Ham or turkey? Bologna perhaps? Fuck you. Hey gang, Harry HorseCock here, and those are just some of the questions we’ll be answering for you here in Week 9! After a roller coaster first half of the season that raised many more questions than it did answers, we’re going to try and dig in to some of the lingering and soon-to-be-asked questions in the league, as asked by some of our readers! So slap on your strap on and warm up your gooch wax, because things are about to get Harry!
Question #1 – Harry, who is most likely to take Jack’s spot after he is relegated to the Poyfair League next season? – This is a tough one. You gotta like Tom Cole to steal a spot in the league, and of course Shay Ashline is making a beautiful run. But when push comes to shove, I think we’ll actually have a deep sleeper addition…I’m of course speaking of long time friend of every GFFL owner, James Terranova.
It is expected that the addition of the far-right James to the GFFL would spark interesting and highly publicized Facebook debates between him and current league owner and liberal cuck, Pat Kennedy. As if that alone wasn’t enough reason to add James to the league, he also made mention of a potential blowjob for management if a deal goes through, an offer league commissioner Pedro “Adolf” Close is expected to accept. So it’s looking like Terranova finding himself firmly in the GFFL next season is as sure as Trump winning the presidency! #MAGA #TRUMP2020 #STOPTHECOUNT #KILLTHEDEMOCRATS #KILLALLMINORITIES
Question #2 – Harry, I own Brian Hill, Mike Davis, Deejay Dallas, Kerryon Johnson, and Cordarrelle Patterson. – Hello reader, and although that wasn’t a question, I definitely see your problem. Having too much depth at one position can be a blessing and a curse, as correctly determining which player to start on any given week is what separates the experts like me, from the pop-tarts like you.
I suggest trading away some of that deep running back depth for some receiver depth, because I’d be willing to bet you’re lacking there with so many great running backs. But anyway, this week you’re gonna want to throw Patterson in the starting mix. Kerryon Johnson is a force but far too unpredictable, and while Patterson may have a low fantasy ceiling, his floor is even lower. So start Patterson, and you really can’t go wrong with your RB2 as they are all easily in the RB1 category, but fade Johnson this week against a middle-of-the-pack Vikings defense.
Question #3 – Harry, should I pick up Javon Wims now, or wait until his 2 game suspension is up but risk losing him to waivers? – If this were a league of serial killers instead of football players, would you pick up Jeffrey Dahmer now, or wait 2 games and risk losing him to waivers? Because that’s how fucking dumb you sound. Obviously you pick him up now. Wims has been compared to Dahmer constantly throughout his career, and after Sunday’s explosion, it’s obvious why.
Listen to me, don’t walk, RUN to the waiver wire right now and throw down whatever it takes to get this guy (which evidently won’t be much, because this mother fucker is a free agent). Your opponents would rather take a punch from Floyd Mayweather than Wims, whose punches make Mayweather’s feel as though he were wearing Tempur-Pedic pillows on his hands as opposed to boxing gloves. Yeah gang, pick up this prospective serial-killing, boxing prodigy now and your opponents will get Down Syndrome.
Question #4 – Hey Harry, my username is @VinnyTEscones69, first time/long time! My question is: Why is the election still going after President Trump claimed Pennsylvania, Georgia, North Carolina, and Michigan? Also, which tight ends are you starting this week? – Thanks for the questions @VinnyTEscones69, but you don’t need to include your username.
That being said, the overwhelming majority of Americans are wondering the same thing about the election. It’s a sad day in America when the fucking democrats can rig the election with extra ballots for Biden in swing states, when Trump is clearly winning the popular vote nationally.
Votes that weren’t counted before midnight on Tuesday are being counted today and that’s a fucking disgrace. This is evidence of the corruption in the dirty, sad, pathetic Democratic Party, who, by the way, organized and carried out 9/11!
Trump has already claimed these states and the presidency, and the fucking dems are just pissed that Biden didn’t claim them first! I can’t wait for the legal system to make this right and make America great again! Please join myself, Brett Favre, and Lil Wayne in donating massive sums of money to the fundraisers for President Trump’s upcoming legal battles he is sure to win!
As for which tight end(s?) I’m playing this week, well I’ve been harping him all year – Mo Alie-Cox. In Week 8 Alie-Cox made his presence felt in a big way, racking up a stellar 3 receptions on his way to 37 yards in a performance strong enough to shoot him up to the number 24 overall tight end in fantasy this year. And that stat becomes even more impressive when you consider Alie-Cox has played in all but one of Indianapolis’ games this year. Averaging a solid 8.2 points per contest, Alie-Cox is shockingly only rostered in 2.7% of ESPN leagues, and is an awesome streaming candidate this week against a tough Baltimore defense.
Welp, that about does it gang. All of the questions you guys sent us, answered. If you have any questions you want answered for next week, please be sure to ask them on twitter at @HarryHCock and I’ll be sure to respond to them as long as my account isn’t suspended. But for now I’ll leave you with some great feedback I’ve been receiving on Twitter. Ciao for now.
