# posts

date: 2020-09-29T20:28:14-04:00
author: Harrison Horsecock
title: Touching Handicapped Moment of Week 3
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  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">It’s no secret that sports are known for the fun and competitive nature they instill in man. But sometimes overlooked are the aspects of humility, compassion, and comradery they also bring about into the world. Michael “Moose Mess” Gallup (WR, Dallas) is confirmed to have the lowest recorded IQ of any NFL player in written history, and has been compared to a heaping pile of moose diarrhea constantly throughout his career. Technically team manager and not an <em>“official”</em> member of THE STUMP, “Moose Mess” has become a symbol of hope in the team locker room. Proving that the mentally and physically disabled can accomplish anything, “Moose Mess” earned a starting spot in his first ever professional fantasy football lineup earlier this season when he started for THE STUMP in Week 1. Also seeming to prove the classic and over-used stereotype that the mentally disabled stick together, team owner Randy “Fatnuts” Tagliatela continued to give <em>“</em>Moose<em> </em>Mess<em>”</em> the start even after <em>he</em> continued to lick pine cones during practices. So is “Moose Mess” a <em>racist</em>, a <em>rapist</em>, or a pedophile born to an incest anal <em>gapist</em>? Let’s dive into this week’s “<em>Touching Handicapped Moment of the Week</em>” and find out! (Hint &#8211; he’s all three!)</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/1nqXugC.jpg" alt="" /><figcaption>Michael “Moose Mess” Gallup</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Also, before we get started, a quick shoutout to this week’s “<em>Dick of the Week</em>”, Tampa Bay Buccaneers head coach Bruce Arians! Best known for being a huge Nazi, Bruce participates in ritualistic feces consumption with a whole slew of members from Fulton County’s premier friend-group, including Turner Dusenbury, Matt Hicks, Ricky Kwak, and GFFL league owner Marco DeLilli. On not just one, but <em>two</em> consecutive drives Sunday, Bruce decided to throw the ball from the opponent’s 1 foot line instead of running up the middle with Leonard “Fivenette” Fournette. Right before both passes, Arians looked directly into the camera while holding up both middle fingers, and screamed “FUCK YOU!” to all minorities. In true dickhead fashion, he continued by saying “I WANT EVANS AND BRADY GETTIN’ THOSE POINTS CAUSE THEIR SKIN COLOR IS LIGHTER THAN TOBY’S!” (Toby is the new name given to Fournette after he was successfully captured by the Bucs organization). Thanks for being such a dick, Bruce. You rock!</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/ExuxZem.jpg" alt="" /><figcaption>Bruce Arians (left), Marco DeLilli (center), and Turner Dusenbury (right) watch Matt Hicks and Ricky Kwak (both not pictured) duke it out for some fresh poop.</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">The 14th of 17 children, “Moose Mess” had an IQ comparable to sock puppets, geese, and banana peppers as a child. Until his graduation, he shared special education classes with several barnyard animals, Josh Herr, and the majority of his siblings at their family’s asparagus farm. Just like his Grandpappy and his Grandpappy’s Grandpappy before him, “Moose Mess” had the strength of a dozen walrus’ by the age of 10. Graduating high school late at the age of 23, he was finally introduced to the sport of football when a scout for ITT Technical Institute discovered him, immediately recognizing his potential as a wide receiver.&nbsp;</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://vivbennett.blog.gov.uk/wp-content/uploads/sites/90/2015/10/Lad-hits-ball.jpg" alt="" width="413" height="372" /><figcaption>Before football, “Moose Mess” was a school champion tennis player at Gallup Family Farms. Here he is in this iconic photo, winning the class championship against a llama (not pictured), with his girlfriend Miriam Holly (center) and a cow (right) looking on. </figcaption></figure>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/d7GQrMu.jpg" alt="" /><figcaption>“Moose Mess” also threw discus for the GFF Buffs in high school. You can see from the laser focus on his face to not eat the discus that his time on the track team was a major success.</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Astonishingly, and against all odds, “Moose Mess” excelled not just on the football field at ITT Tech, but in the classroom as well &#8211; <em>graduating</em> with a degree in <em>marbles</em> before being drafted by THE STUMP in the 6th round of 2020’s draft. Immediately after being drafted, “Moose Mess” made his presence felt in THE STUMP locker room when he mistakenly but intentionally took a shit in the locker <em>next</em> to his own, a locker occupied by former teammate and fellow rookie, Tee Higgins. When confronted by teammates as to what he was doing to Higgins’ locker, “Moose Mess” started crying and ran off in shame and embarrassment. </p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/KRnktt3.jpg" alt="" /><figcaption>It is unknown if she knows she isn’t at the Rangers game, but here’s a picture of Nakeisha Coco enjoying the Mississippi Braves game. <strong>Photo</strong> via <strong>Cumshots Photo</strong></figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">When asked about this incident, team member DJ Chark Jr. stated “We was just like ‘Yo the fuck you doin’ to Tee Bag’s locker?! He gon’ whoop yo ass when he get back!’ I don’t think anyone realized this muhfugga had a issue or nothin’.”&nbsp;</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://vivbennett.blog.gov.uk/wp-content/uploads/sites/90/2015/10/celebrating-goal.jpg" alt="" width="651" height="448" /><figcaption>“Moose Mess” (center) kicking a teammate in the face for being Jewish sometime before being drafted by THE STUMP. </figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Angry at the new scent of feces and barnyard that riddled the locker room air, teammates chased “Moose Mess” out of the locker room and locked him in an equipment shed. As he lie terrified in the fetal position, crying and shaking on the cold floor of the shed, teammates continued to torment “Moose Mess” by throwing footballs at the outer walls. After arriving to the practice facility and finding his team torturing the rookie receiver, team owner Randy “Fatnuts” Tagliatela joined in for a few minutes before making the team run for six consecutive days.&nbsp;</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/9QAbzFF.jpg" alt="" /><figcaption>”Moose Mess” on the equipment shed floor.</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">“I made ‘em run for like a week straight, no water breaks or nothin’, just to show ‘em the error of their ways,” Tagliatela later stated. “Then I told ‘em ‘Listen up you cuck’s, Moosie’s gettin the start this week <em>AND</em> next week! So you all can just go and take another fuckin’ lap!’&#8230;As soon as they finished that last lap the tone in the locker room completely changed, and they started treatin’ him more like an equal and less like a bowl of dog food.”&nbsp;</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/1uMrj6g.jpg" alt="" /><figcaption>Also in attendance at the Braves game was GFFL league owner Vinny “Scones” Mosconi. The look on his face says “I just got a blowie from that babe in the blue, <em>AND</em> tapped that ass!” Good for you Vinny, good for you. <strong>Photo</strong> via <strong>Cumshots Photo</strong></figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">After two unproductive starts to kick off the 2020 season, “Moose Mess” was primed to return to his role on the bench as team manager. However, after a surprise trade and a last minute injury to Little Huskies House of Pizza star <em>DJ Chark Jr.</em> opened up a flex position, “Moose Mess” found himself with another opportunity to start against Jack’s squad of semen slurpers in Week 3. But by halftime in the biggest game of his career, he had tallied just 1 catch for 4 yards. </p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/Y8VKLpG.jpg" alt="" width="475" height="549" /><figcaption>A true three-sport athlete, ”Moose Mess” (33) was also the starting point guard for the Gallup Family Farms Buffs all 9 years of high school. He accidentally showed up in his Buffs uniform both Week 1 <em>and</em> Week 2 before being made aware he was playing football.</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">It was during halftime that team captain and local boob job enthusiast Alvin Kamara stood up and said “Let’s get out there and get this dub for Moosie, and let’s get that muhfugga his first TD too!” Almost before he could even finish his sentence, the entire STUMP locker room erupted in a fierce cheer that could be heard all the way from Meco to Bleecker.&nbsp;</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/j2CKmHQ.jpg" alt="" width="423" height="503" /><figcaption>“Moose Mess” (right) and Josh Allen (left) leading THE STUMP back out onto the field after halftime.</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">After “Smokey” John Brown got injured in the first half and ended the day with a goose egg, THE STUMP were trailing by a hefty margin. But with a newfound energy thanks to an impassioned halftime speech from Kamara, the remaining members of THE STUMP <em>took a dump</em> on Jack’s hopes and dreams when they roared back from 50 points behind to take a 30 point lead into Monday night. But most shocking of all, was the performance of Michael “Moose Mess” Gallup, who went on to tally 5 catches for 134 yards and a touchdown in the second half, helping to propel THE STUMP to a 170 &#8211; 137 victory.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/97VVmcQ.jpg" alt="" /><figcaption>“Moose Mess” (17) breaks off his 43 yard touchdown with teammates Alvin Kamara (8) and Keenan Allen (1) running close behind.</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Much to the surprise and delight of his teammates, “Moose Mess” also took a literal dump in “Home Schooled” Jack’s locker after he finished taking him back to Oxford Academy on Sunday night. When asked why he would dare shit in another person’s locker again, he replied “Jack’s dumber than a sack’a salty snail semen for starting Minshew II and he deserved it.” “Moose Mess” is now back to his usual role as team manager on the bench, however he now has the respect and comradery of his teammates that was missing before. There’s no saying when he may get his next start again, but one thing’s for sure, whenever it may be, “Moose Mess” will <em>definitely</em> be ready.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/GGAijOO.jpg" alt="" /><figcaption>”Moose Mess” being sexually assaulted by fans after an improbable performance Sunday.</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Welp, that about does it gang. Tune in for next week’s “Touching Handicapped Moment of the Week”, but right now I’ve got Yom Kippur going on. Ciao for now.&nbsp;</p>

excerpt:
  <p>It’s no secret that sports are known for the fun and competitive nature they instill in man. But sometimes overlooked are the aspects of humility, compassion, and comradery they also bring about into the world. Michael “Moose Mess” Gallup (WR, Dallas) is confirmed to have the lowest recorded IQ of any NFL player in written [&hellip;]</p>


date: 2020-10-02T10:41:41-04:00
author: Harrison Horsecock
title: Week 4 Current Events
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  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">With the postponement of Sunday’s <em>Steelers &#8211; Titans</em> game rendering Week 4 of the NFL completely meaningless, we have some time to step away from football and take a look at some of the pressing and controversial topics society is struggling with today. Hey gang, 6 time cock push up world champion Harry HorseCock here, and this week we’ll be discussing some of the biggest news headlines everyone’s talking about; topics from the presidential debate all the way to abortion. You don’t want to miss this, so smoke a quick jimmy, slap on a jimmy hat, and call your boy Jimmy Baker, ‘cause things are about to get <em>Harry</em>! Let’s dive in!</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/TIEk8q6.jpg" alt="" width="309" height="499" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">If you didn’t see Tuesday’s first presidential debate, that’s okay, because political expert “Weird Al” Yankovic has made <em>his</em> opinion clear in his newest hit song, “We’re All Doomed”. If you haven’t heard it yet you’d best prepare to, because if there’s one thing “Weird Al” is known for other than his political prowess, it’s making hit radio songs. Perhaps the most respected political mind in America today, Yankovic has surely blessed Americans with this one. If you’re an undecided voter, take a quick listen to the song for some of the most respected, informative, and sought-after political opinions you’ll ever be able to obtain. It is unknown what percentage of Yankovic’s core fan base is even old enough to vote, <em>or</em> for him to sleep with, but a special thanks to CNN for covering this immediately so you don’t have to miss it!</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/s1v5Ab5.jpg" alt="" width="503" height="397" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Have you ever been eating your Philly cheesesteak from Subway and thought &#8211; “I don’t think this shit is even bread”? That’s exactly what Ireland’s Supreme Court thought and determined as well, as they handed down the verdict in one of the most important and highly anticipated rulings of the new millennium. Obviously more concerned with the quality of the&nbsp;<em>bread</em>&nbsp;as opposed to the quality of the&nbsp;<em>meat</em>&nbsp;for any number of reasons, The Irish Supreme Court determined that there is too much sugar in the “bread” for it to&nbsp;<em>legally</em>&nbsp;be considered bread. This is important, because now Subway is no longer&nbsp;<em>legally</em>&nbsp;able to call themselves “Subway” or their sandwiches “subs”, because, as we all know, “subs” are made with <em>bread</em>. It is expected that they will be changing their name to <em>The CumCrumb Sandwich Team</em>, and will obviously be calling their sandwiches “<em>cum crumbs</em>” as well. The new name comes after the announcement from the FDC that&nbsp;<em>ejaculate</em>&nbsp;from Subway’s corporate executives was the reason for the elevated sugar levels in the bread, and rather than eliminate the use of ejaculate as an ingredient, the executives have elected to rebrand the entire company. Big important news if you’re a Subway fan, so thank you to CBS for covering the story!</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/jZv52Ab.jpg" alt="" width="391" height="466" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Things are heating up in the highly publicized&nbsp;<em>Ryback vs. Zeke</em>&nbsp;feud that’s been captivating America for months! Household name&nbsp;<em>Ryback</em>&nbsp;is now threatening to&nbsp;<em>sue</em>&nbsp;NFL running back Ezekiel Elliott after accusing him of stealing his “Feed Me” trademark, citing that his own use of the phrase “feed me” made it a family favorite in every single home across the globe long before Elliott started using it. While that’s hard to deny (who can forget growing up watching&nbsp;<em>Ryback</em>&nbsp;in the ring), Elliott subsequently challenged him to a cage match <em>to the death</em> to determine who the trademark belongs to. Though Ryback has still yet to respond to Elliott’s request, spectators across the globe are wondering just what in the&nbsp;<em>hell</em>&nbsp;Zeke is thinking. Having won so many scripted fights throughout his career, Ryback is clearly the better fighter. What’s also clear is that he is the better athlete, having sacrificed his body for the script so many times. Having never won a&nbsp;<em>scripted</em>&nbsp;fight, it is unknown what makes Elliott think he could win a&nbsp;<em>real</em>&nbsp;fight, especially having no athletic experience sacrificing his body like Ryback does. As soon as he accepts Elliott’s challenge and Vegas sets a line, hammer Ryback no matter how much he is favored and thank me later. And big thanks to Bleacher Report for covering this important story!</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/bXHfH1A.jpg" alt="" width="255" height="439" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><em>Finally</em>, a reason to go to the zoo! “Not anymore,” said a British wildlife park after removing five of the greatest, most beautiful creatures to ever grace this planet from the park and then decapitating them, “you can all suck our bloody twats”. As if there wasn’t enough bad news in the world already. And since when did it become a problem to swear in <em>fucking</em> <em>Great Britain</em>, mate?! It is unknown if park attendance has improved since the decision was made to execute the parrots, however it is assumed that it hasn’t changed a fucking bit. Also unknown are the identities of the park guests that filed complaints against the parrots, but anyone with information is encouraged to verbally and physically harass the perps. Big thanks to CNN for covering yet another majorly important news story!</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/BTUkaTo.jpg" alt="" width="297" height="491" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Call me liberal, but the death sentence seems a bit harsh for this one. As if the Chinese government <em>doesn’t</em> kill little kids all the time anyway. I’m surprised they gave him <em>the death sentence</em> and not a <em>medal</em> for being an upstanding citizen for doing their fucking job for them! And just what in the fuck <em>are</em> you supposed to do after an argument with a rival staff member?! And seriously, <em>fucking porridge</em>?! Did the dude do the poisoning in a 13th century nursery rhyme?! Sounds like Goldielox must’ve been in his class, cause hers was the only porridge that was <em>“just right”.</em> I’m passionate about this one gang, and everyone should write to the Chinese government (who are known for caring about what citizens think) in protest of the clear injustice being done in this case. There’s still time for us to make a difference in this innocent man’s life! Again, a big thank you to CNN for seemingly being the only news network covering the important stories close to home!</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/wmuYTgc.jpg" alt="" width="402" height="554" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">This makes me sick to my stomach. This isn’t what the French Revolution was all about. Robespierre would be rolling heads down school hallways like bowling balls while Napoleon chowed down on the leftover limbs like croissants. Here we have poor Sporky Dirt, 35, an obviously completely normal and harmless guy like you or me, who was fired from his job teaching 6 year olds due to the violent nature of the tattoos on&nbsp;&nbsp;his face. A representative for the school that fired Dirt stated “if they were more normal face tattoos we wouldn’t have had to take action, but the tattoos Mr. Dirt chose to permanently apply to his face frightened the children and staff.” If his lawsuit against the French school district that fired him proves fruitless, Sporky is considering moving to America or Jupiter to teach, where facial tattoos are more socially accepted. Give ‘em hell Sporky, give ‘em hell! Once&nbsp;<em>again</em>, a HUGE thanks to CNN for always being exactly where the important news is happening!</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/b3w9qcN.jpg" alt="" width="298" height="374" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">When it comes to abortion, the American Christians have spoken &#8211; and they said that bitch <em>Amy Coney Barrett</em> can go fuck herself. Barrett made comments that I assume made legitimate and logical arguments in favor of abortion, angering the entire American Christian population. An even more common household name than <em>Ryback</em>, Amy Coney Barrett has one of the most influential opinions on the planet when it comes to religion, abortion, and pretty much anything else, so it’s no wonder the American Christians are so upset. When responding to Barrett’s comments, it is widely assumed that the representative for the American Christians was high on methamphetamine, and provided an argument that sounded like it was governed by laws of the 11th dimension. More info on the rocky relationship between the American Christians and Amy Coney Barrett sure to come soon. Thank you once again CNN, you never fail to give us the important news!</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/DBUSCnx.jpg" alt="" width="479" height="350" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Well, that about does it gang. All of your current events in one place! If it wasn’t covered here, it probably isn’t really happening. But I gotta get going, it’s October and all month it’s free <em>Pumpkins and Blumpkins</em> at Ace Hardware. Ciao for now!</p>

excerpt:
  <p>With the postponement of Sunday’s Steelers &#8211; Titans game rendering Week 4 of the NFL completely meaningless, we have some time to step away from football and take a look at some of the pressing and controversial topics society is struggling with today. Hey gang, 6 time cock push up world champion Harry HorseCock here, [&hellip;]</p>


date: 2020-10-06T10:03:42-04:00
author: Pat Fenis
title: Tuesday Morning Toilet Talk
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  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Sex.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Great as is but no doubt enhanced with the addition of butt plugs shaped like little footballs.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="830" height="829" data-attachment-id="566" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/06/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-4/img_9905/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9905.jpg" data-orig-size="830,829" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_9905" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9905.jpg?w=830" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9905.jpg?w=830" alt="" class="wp-image-566" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9905.jpg 830w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9905.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9905.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9905.jpg?w=768 768w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 830px) 100vw, 830px" /><figcaption>Mine is currently stuck</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Sex drives everything we do. Just ask Randy, who has traded players for sex with 8 GFFL league members since his admittance to the league in 2017. In that spirit, welcome to a very special sex-themed edition of TMTT.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>ALL INTERNAL: JONES V. LOMANTO</strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">This weeks matchup between Chester and Randy was an all-timer. With both men vying for a 3-1 start, only one would come out on top while the other would be pegged for a .500 start to the season.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Chester was all but assured of victory by keeping up with the Jones’s, until Julio’s hammy popped like a balloon overfilled with nitrous outside of a Phish concert.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="978" data-attachment-id="569" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/06/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-4/img_9915/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9915.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,1135" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_9915" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9915.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9915.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-569" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9915.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9915.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9915.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9915.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9915.jpg 1188w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /><figcaption>1 for $10, 3 for $20</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">There are few things we like to see more than Chester getting fucked, and this matchup is going in my spank bank for years to come.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="638" data-attachment-id="568" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/06/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-4/img_9907/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9907.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,741" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_9907" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9907.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9907.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-568" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9907.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9907.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9907.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9907.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9907.jpg 1188w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Randy wins this one by .92 points to become the first person with a clinical autism diagnosis to sit in 1st place.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>BROTHER FUCKERS</strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Watching the Giants play football is a bit like watching a line of cute little golden retrievers jump off a cliff and plunge to their death one after another.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">After a putrid event that was supposedly the game of football, the Giants and Rams came to blows sparked by a long-standing feud between Giants receiver Golden Tate and Rams cornerback Jalen Ramsey.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="650" height="366" data-attachment-id="573" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/06/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-4/img_9916/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9916.jpg" data-orig-size="650,366" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_9916" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9916.jpg?w=650" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9916.jpg?w=650" alt="" class="wp-image-573" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9916.jpg 650w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9916.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9916.jpg?w=300 300w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 650px) 100vw, 650px" /><figcaption>Hot, but not “stripper” hot</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">The issue?: Ramsey had been giving the pipe to Tate’s sister for years and the couple share two children together. Or should I say former couple as Ramsey left Tate’s pregnant sister for a stripper last fall.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">With this feud essentially going down between brothers, it got me thinking about other athlete sex scandals involving bro’s and their ho’s.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong><em>EARL AND SETH THOMAS</em></strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">In what was low key the craziest sports story of quarantine, Earl Thomas was held at gunpoint by his wife Nina in early May.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">After getting in a fight one evening, Earl left the Thomas household to blow off some steam. Nina used Snapchat to track Earl down and pinpointed his location to an AirBnB in the Austin, Texas area. Nina arrived with 2 friends to find Earl and his brother Seth tag teaming a stripper.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="977" height="514" data-attachment-id="575" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/06/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-4/img_9917/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9917.jpg" data-orig-size="977,514" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_9917" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9917.jpg?w=977" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9917.jpg?w=977" alt="" class="wp-image-575" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9917.jpg 977w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9917.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9917.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9917.jpg?w=768 768w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 977px) 100vw, 977px" /><figcaption>Bro’s before ho’s taken to the extreme</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Nina whipped out a Glock 9, but seemingly only to put a scare into the trio.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Earl Thomas hasn’t been signed since the incident.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong><em>JON AND JAY GRUDEN</em></strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">It would be hard to touch on this topic without mentioning the forbidden sexual exploits of the Gruden brothers.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="646" height="1024" data-attachment-id="578" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/06/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-4/img_9923/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9923.jpg" data-orig-size="1179,1869" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_9923" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9923.jpg?w=646" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9923.jpg?w=646" alt="" class="wp-image-578" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9923.jpg?w=646 646w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9923.jpg?w=95 95w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9923.jpg?w=189 189w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9923.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9923.jpg 1179w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 646px) 100vw, 646px" /><figcaption>Yoga &#8211; not just for gays anymore </figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">While there are no actual photos or accounts from those close to the duo to confirm the rumors, a Reddit conspiracy says Jay Gruden was fired from the Redskins last year after he was discovered to have been using the Redskins facility to host a series of naked hot yoga sessions exclusively for “brothers in coaching” that would often end in sweaty Satanic blood orgies.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Among those reportedly in regular attendance for the romps were brother Jon, Rex and Rob Ryan, and both Harbaughs.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong><em>PAUL GEORGE AND SETH CURRY</em></strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">It’s my favorite story in sports.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">It’s 2015 and Paul George is taking Doc Rivers daughter to pound town.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Paul George cheats on Doc’s daughter with a stripper and gets her pregnant.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Doc’s daughter falls in love with Seth Curry and marries him.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="576" data-attachment-id="582" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/06/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-4/img_9924/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9924.jpg" data-orig-size="1280,720" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_9924" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9924.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9924.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-582" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9924.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9924.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9924.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9924.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9924.jpg 1280w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /><figcaption>Not a bad decision by PG</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Doc Rivers TRADES for the guy that impregnated a stripper while dating his daughter.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="679" data-attachment-id="584" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/06/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-4/img_9928/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9928.jpg" data-orig-size="1125,746" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_9928" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9928.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9928.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-584" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9928.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9928.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9928.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9928.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9928.jpg 1125w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">2020 Playoffs &#8211; Seth Curry gets a tough And 1 call and calls Paul George a “bitch ass.”</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-video"><video height="491" style="aspect-ratio: 886 / 491;" width="886" controls src="https://videos.files.wordpress.com/GnueaSfq/rpreplay_final1601995263.mp4"></video></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">The Clippers embarrassingly flame out of the playoffs due to having “no team chemistry” and Doc Rivers gets fired.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">No shit.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>TODAY IN NFL HISTORY</strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">What does the name Fred Smoot mean to you?</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Aside from having a last name that literally sounds like a bodily fluid that would leak out of you after having your asshole fucked by a horse, most know him as a solid 9-year NFL veteran and the de facto leader of the Minnesota Vikings Love Boat Scandal.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">On October 6, 2005, Smoot and over 15 other Minnesota Vikings chartered two boats on Lake Minnetonka and proceeded to have a massive orgy to unwind during their bye week.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-video"><video height="485" style="aspect-ratio: 886 / 485;" width="886" controls src="https://videos.files.wordpress.com/O6kucddG/rpreplay_final1601995768.mp4"></video><figcaption>A true gentleman</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Witnesses, including crew members, described “masturbation, oral sex, anal sex, woman on man, woman on woman, toys, and double penetration.”</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Additionally, used condoms, KY Jelly, and a variety of soiled sex toys were left strewn about the boat cabin following the conclusion of the fuck fest.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">“It’s just friends chilling amongst friends enjoying themselves, that’s all it was man, like I tell people,” Smoot went on to say.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="684" data-attachment-id="589" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/06/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-4/img_9932/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9932.jpg" data-orig-size="1500,1002" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_9932" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9932.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9932.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-589" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9932.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9932.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9932.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9932.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9932.jpg?w=1440 1440w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9932.jpg 1500w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /><figcaption>A day out on the water </figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">My friends and I never chill like that, but on this day 15 years ago the Vikings proved to us what real friendship looks like.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Well folks, I just blew a load onto my stomach so time to sign off. I’ll be back in Week 5 with a special exclusive: <strong>Intervention: Mike LaPorta</strong>, where we will take an insiders look at how Mike’s crippling lottery ticket and ebony pornography addiction has contributed to his slow 1-3 start. Until then.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="553" data-attachment-id="591" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/06/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-4/img_9939/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9939.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,642" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_9939" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9939.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9939.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-591" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9939.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9939.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9939.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9939.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9939.jpg 1188w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></figure>

excerpt:
  <p>Sex. Great as is but no doubt enhanced with the addition of butt plugs shaped like little footballs. Sex drives everything we do. Just ask Randy, who has traded players for sex with 8 GFFL league members since his admittance to the league in 2017. In that spirit, welcome to a very special sex-themed edition [&hellip;]</p>

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date: 2020-10-09T21:04:35-04:00
author: Harrison Horsecock
title: Memories from the First Quarter of the Season
images_json: {}
content_html:
  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Four weeks of fantasy football have come and gone, Summer has completed its metamorphosis into Fall, and COVID continues to take its toll while GFFL league owner Vinny “Scones” Mosconi somehow continues to escape its wrath, much to the dismay of everybody. </p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/ocdcsSA.jpg" alt="" width="334" height="347" /><figcaption>Vinny “Scones” Mosconi (left) with a Vietnamese transvestite child sex slave.</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Hey gang, 6 time cock push up world champion Harry HorseCock here with a special Week 5 edition of “<em>Memories from the First Quarter of the Season</em>” for you! We’ll be taking a look at some of the best and worst moments, as well as the biggest headlines of weeks 1-4. So buckle up, strap in, and rail a line of K, ‘cause things are about to get <em>Harry</em>!</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/io42lD0.jpg" alt="" width="347" height="495" /><figcaption>A hidden camera captures a Vietnamese official mixing his <em>used</em> condoms into the <em>newly produced</em> condoms at the warehouse.</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">If you’re not a member of the GFFL, you’ve probably heard about this one, and you’re probably a productive and contributing member of society. If you&nbsp;<em>are</em>&nbsp;a member of the GFFL, let’s face it, this one isn’t for you. Much like the few GFFL league owners that actually&nbsp;<em>do</em>&nbsp;have sex, I don’t believe in condoms either. Pull and pray guy. But this headline is enough to make you step back and say “<em>What the fuck is wrong with people?</em>”</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/AIEa1yO.jpg" alt="" width="427" height="304" /><figcaption>More like “Product of <em>Vietnam</em>”</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"> I mean really, it sounds like the Vietnamese were <em>at least</em> rinsing out the used condoms before redistributing them to people. And you don’t need to worry about getting any STD’s, because the previous user was&nbsp;<em>wearing a fucking condom</em>! It doesn’t make much sense to me why anyone would wear a jimmy hat&nbsp;<em>or</em>&nbsp;get upset about someone’s smart business move to recycle them. It is also unknown where the Vietnamese company obtained the 300,000+ used condoms from, however it is widely accepted that GFFL league owner Mike “Mr. Ass” LaPorta was not only involved, but the lead conspirator behind the crime. </p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/fEce2Vf.jpg" alt="" width="375" height="350" /><figcaption>The Tennessee Titans were the first team to completely fuck up the entire NFL season when they had their first confirmed outbreak September 24th.</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Unless you’ve been living under a rock or in a trash can in Denver, you probably know that the Titans have been the <em>used dong-bag</em> of the NFL for the past 2 weeks. Having had 23 players diagnosed with COVID since September 24th, the Titans were forced to postpone games against the Steelers <em>and</em> the Bills, leaving many people to ask just&nbsp;<em>what</em>&nbsp;in the&nbsp;<em>fuck</em>&nbsp;the Titans organization is doing?</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/eIle8CQ.jpg" alt="" width="426" height="466" /><figcaption>What could go wrong?</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Though many teams have had <em>a player or two</em> diagnosed with COVID, they have somehow been able to keep their outbreaks limited to <em>just those players</em> by following league protocols. Not the Titans. </p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/nAn0Qvb.jpg" alt="" width="308" height="404" /><figcaption>A representative for the Titans arriving to team facilities.</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">A representative for the Titans front office stated “We just been doin’ our normal day-to-day shit. We weren’t ‘posed to practice er nothin’, but that’s just a load’a hoopla! Ain’t no proof the Chinese plague is even real! White Power! So we had our own practice down at the ol’ high school! We’re gonna keep runnin’ this team the same way we done it since the 1800’s! White Power!” </p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/sK6hT84.jpg" alt="" width="529" height="296" /><figcaption>The Tennessee Titans at an unsanctioned practice at a local high school Tuesday. </figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">If you’re an owner of a Titans player or any player they’re scheduled to face this year, you might as well start punching yourself in the balls, because they’re coming to town to cum in your punch bowl!</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/HvW5wnN.jpg" alt="" width="317" height="285" /><figcaption>President Donald Trump tests positive for coronavirus on 10/1/2020.</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Speaking of people we want COVID to kill (the entire Titans organization <em>and</em> that reference to&nbsp;Scones&nbsp;back in the first paragraph), President Donald Trump was diagnosed late last week in a hilarious twist of irony. Unfortunately still alive at 70 something, Trump is more of a prime&nbsp;<em>COVID death</em>&nbsp;candidate than he is a&nbsp;<em>presidential</em>&nbsp;candidate. While it is unknown who Americans would <em>rather</em> see COVID take between Scones and Trump, it is widely considered to be a win-win situation regardless. Just sit back and pray for COVID to do its thing&nbsp;<em>this</em>&nbsp;time, gang.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/7dZmnzU.jpg" alt="" width="442" height="291" /><figcaption>President Donald Trump</figcaption></figure>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/XnoHCg6.jpg" alt="" width="442" height="455" /><figcaption>Vinny “Scones” Mosconi</figcaption></figure>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/Tcle4zS.jpg" alt="" width="403" height="318" /><figcaption>Americans</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>Unrelated Shit:</strong></p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/gZTadnx.jpg" alt="" width="283" height="435" /><figcaption>GFFL league owner Joe LaPorta was fired from his job at Global Foundries after making a mistake that cost the company hundreds!</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">That’s right gang, GFFL league owner Joe LaPorta was fired from his job of 5+ years after fucking up on a&nbsp;<em>massive</em>&nbsp;scale some 2 weeks ago! Joe’s forced departure from Global leaves him as the unquestioned scummiest, poorest, and most useless member of the GFFL. </p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/AM53d9S.jpg" alt="" width="347" height="429" /><figcaption>Joe washing up at the local watering puddle shortly after getting fired. <strong>Photo</strong> via <strong>LinkdIn</strong></figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">To add insult to injury, GFFL league commissioner Pedro “Adolf” Close proceeded to tell Joe that although he would be allowed to finish out&nbsp;<em>this</em>&nbsp;season, he was no longer a member of the friend group due to his “low-class status”, and would not be a member of the GFFL next year either. </p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/kqxULNc.jpg" alt="" width="343" height="340" /><figcaption>Joe finding a clever new way to make a living. (Don’t know why he even bothered with <em>one</em> of the bowls&#8230;)</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">When attempting to reach Joe for comment, I received an automated message stating his phone had been disconnected due to a lack of minutes. Anyone with an extra burner phone or a hot meal is encouraged to give them to Joe, however it may be difficult to reach and/or find him. People wishing to donate supplies to Joe should check under the bridge located on Grand Ave in Saratoga Springs, NY, as this was his last known location.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/vPTRLu2.jpg" alt="" width="551" height="363" /><figcaption>Joe trying to catch breakfast Thursday morning 10/8/2020.</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>Also on an unrelated note:</strong></p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/koty1PC.jpg" alt="" width="441" height="317" /><figcaption>The GFFL “recent activity” board for those of you who have never seen it.</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">GFFL league owner Marco DeLilli made a bold move early Thursday morning when he dropped free agent Antonio Brown for Washington running back J.D. McKissic. At first glance, you might look at that and say “whatever, that’s just Marco being Marco.” While it’s certainly <em>not</em> shocking that Marco would stash an unsigned, suspended player on his bench for the first 5 weeks of the season, what <em>is</em> surprising is the transaction right below Marco’s. Let’s take a closer look:</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/y6uZNIo.jpg" alt="" width="264" height="410" /><figcaption>If you don’t know what you’re looking at here, don’t worry, because you’re definitely not alone.</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Once again, GFFL league owner “Home Schooled” Jack Vandenabeele has proven that fantasy football was definitely <em>not </em>a part of the core home school curriculum, when he dropped Lions tight end T.J. Hockenson to claim a running back, but then dropped another running back to claim Jets tight end Chris “The Trash Man” Herndon. If you’re confused by this, it’s probably because you have a fantasy football IQ higher than a raisin. Through 4 weeks, “The Trash Man” has scored a combined 16.4 points, just .2 points shy of Hockenson’s Week 1 outing where he netted 16.6 points. I know Jack was let into the league <em>just</em> to fill a spot, but just how bad did the league need a spot <em>filled</em>?! At some point the integrity of the league needs to be protected and league commissioner Pedro “Adolf” Close needs to step in and say “enough is enough”.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>Other News:</strong></p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/tmYgkEQ.jpg" alt="" width="353" height="501" /><figcaption><em>Finally</em>, a positive and uplifting news story! At first glance, I wasn’t sure if this was a terrible joke or an actual news story. But luckily, it’s <em>just</em> an actual news story. Apparently, their devotion to their religion was <em>rather weak</em> in the eyes of the lord (despite the large Jesus shrine they keep in the house). </figcaption></figure>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/5Wo6nYj.jpg" alt="" width="329" height="411" /><figcaption>Jeremy “Big Dome Jerome” VanAlstyne, a close friend of many GFFL league owners, was arrested in San Francisco during Week 2. While on vacation, VanAlstyne attacked an innocent woman in the street after he consumed large quantities of bath salts, authorities say.</figcaption></figure>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/sj8ra8n.jpg" alt="" width="281" height="443" /><figcaption>Hurricane Delta is rolling in and is apparently expected to drop massive loads of <em>cum</em> on life and property all the way from Louisiana to Delaware. Very funny, AccuWeather.</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"> Well, that about does it gang. The first quarter of the season is officially in the books, and Marco’s bucket of chicken hopes are somehow still alive. But as I’m sure you all know, the Azerbaijan-Armenian war is currently happening and my innate Azerbaijanian patriotism is kicking in (I’m heading over there to start the next Armenian genocide). Ciao for now.</p>

excerpt:
  <p>Four weeks of fantasy football have come and gone, Summer has completed its metamorphosis into Fall, and COVID continues to take its toll while GFFL league owner Vinny “Scones” Mosconi somehow continues to escape its wrath, much to the dismay of everybody. Hey gang, 6 time cock push up world champion Harry HorseCock here with [&hellip;]</p>


date: 2020-10-14T10:26:45-04:00
author: Pat Fenis
title: Tuesday Morning Toilet Talk
content_html:
  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="735" height="791" data-attachment-id="627" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/14/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-5/img_9997/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9997.jpg" data-orig-size="735,791" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_9997" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9997.jpg?w=735" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9997.jpg?w=735" alt="" class="wp-image-627" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9997.jpg 735w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9997.jpg?w=139 139w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9997.jpg?w=279 279w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 735px) 100vw, 735px" /><figcaption>Jack, circa 2008</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Welcome to a very special Wednesday edition of TMTT.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Wednesday is a day that is near and dear to my heart due to the incredibly gay shit Commisioner Close and I did together each Wednesday night in college as precocious freshman at the State University of New York at Oswego. We reserved that day for our most forbidden and fluid-inducing sexual endeavors because the dormitory cleaning crew usually came around on Thursday mornings. Cleanup in Room 203!</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="282" height="418" data-attachment-id="639" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/14/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-5/img_0032/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0032.jpg" data-orig-size="282,418" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0032" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0032.jpg?w=282" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0032.jpg?w=282" alt="" class="wp-image-639" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0032.jpg 282w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0032.jpg?w=101 101w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 282px) 100vw, 282px" /><figcaption>We didn’t make it easy on her, but we respected her for what she did</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">But Fall 2009 wasn’t the first time Matt would see his insides fall out of his body, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last. And that brings us to Week 5.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>BILL CLOSE FELINE ASSASSINATION OF THE WEEK</strong></p>



  <figure class="wp-block-video"><video height="640" style="aspect-ratio: 360 / 640;" width="360" controls src="https://videos.files.wordpress.com/zzYMTtS5/chat-media-video-7d09a930-89e4-4610-9c13-b8ad1821d5d1.mov"></video></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Sometimes it feels as if we are hamsters trapped on a wheel. </p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">I get incredibly fucked up on a number of Schedule 1 and 2 narcotics in an effort to write a unique column each week for you guys, yet the same themes tend to consistently arise:</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Chester and Pookie are legitimately mentally retarded. </p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Marco and Mike are historically horrible at fantasy football. </p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Nate is leveraging his connections with Mexican drug cartels to fix his matchups. </p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">The list goes on and on.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">But one thing we seem to have lost sight of is how on any given week, our very own Commissioner is perhaps the most likely to have his colon scrambled like the McFlurry machine at McDonalds.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">With his 64 point performance this week, Matt holds the lowest weekly score in 3 of the 6 seasons since the GFFL moved to a PPR format.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="551" height="1024" data-attachment-id="629" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/14/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-5/img_0014/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0014.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,2208" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0014" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0014.jpg?w=551" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0014.jpg?w=551" alt="" class="wp-image-629" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0014.jpg?w=551 551w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0014.jpg?w=1102 1102w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0014.jpg?w=81 81w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0014.jpg?w=161 161w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0014.jpg?w=768 768w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 551px) 100vw, 551px" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Autistic for creating a spreadsheet this involved? Probably. Overrated and corrupt due to his self-appointed dictatorial position? Definitely.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="1006" data-attachment-id="630" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/14/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-5/img_0019/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0019.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,1168" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0019" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0019.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0019.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-630" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0019.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0019.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0019.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0019.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0019.jpg 1188w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>SCONES V. THOMAS &#8211; A SAGA</strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Has any fantasy owner been plagued by one player more than Scones has been plagued by Michael Thomas?</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="405" data-attachment-id="631" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/14/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-5/img_0010/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0010.jpg" data-orig-size="1125,446" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0010" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0010.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0010.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-631" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0010.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0010.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0010.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0010.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0010.jpg 1125w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></figure>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="782" data-attachment-id="632" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/14/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-5/img_0011/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0011.jpg" data-orig-size="1125,860" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0011" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0011.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0011.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-632" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0011.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0011.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0011.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0011.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0011.jpg 1125w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></figure>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="482" data-attachment-id="633" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/14/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-5/img_0012/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0012.jpg" data-orig-size="1125,530" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0012" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0012.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0012.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-633" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0012.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0012.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0012.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0012.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0012.jpg 1125w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Scones has a truly remarkable thing going this season. </p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Vinny has had, by a fairly large margin, the worst luck in terms of Points Allowed as his opponents have racked up 716 points through 5 weeks.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">But Vinny is, by an equally large margin, also the lowest scoring team in the league.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Michael Thomas or not &#8211; there is essentially nothing Vinny can do to not be the shittiest team this year, making his career shift from full time fantasy footballer to Ecuadorian gangster rapper all the more reasonable in the eyes of his friends and family.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="551" height="1024" data-attachment-id="634" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/14/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-5/img_9523/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9523.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,2208" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_9523" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9523.jpg?w=551" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9523.jpg?w=551" alt="" class="wp-image-634" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9523.jpg?w=551 551w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9523.jpg?w=1102 1102w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9523.jpg?w=81 81w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9523.jpg?w=161 161w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_9523.jpg?w=768 768w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 551px) 100vw, 551px" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>INTERVENTION: MIKE LAPORTA</strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">When I teased this segment at the end of Week 4, I intended it as a lighthearted look into some of the outside vices plaguing Mike’s fantasy season. Ya know, like this little purchase he made using Dottie’s retirement fund.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="902" height="1024" data-attachment-id="635" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/14/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-5/img_0021/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0021.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,1349" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0021" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0021.jpg?w=902" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0021.jpg?w=902" alt="" class="wp-image-635" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0021.jpg?w=902 902w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0021.jpg?w=132 132w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0021.jpg?w=264 264w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0021.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0021.jpg 1188w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 902px) 100vw, 902px" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">But, sadly, things have grown progressively worrisome over the course of the past week after Mike vanished from his Klimas Rd. home and was later spotted fitting his entire body through a glory hole on a Czechoslovakian fetish website.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="818" data-attachment-id="636" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/14/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-5/img_0029/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0029.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,950" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0029" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0029.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0029.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-636" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0029.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0029.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0029.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0029.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0029.jpg 1188w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">We are beyond intervention at this point and any information leading to his safe return stateside will be rewarded using any money Chester may end up winning this season.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Folks &#8211; even I can’t be on my A game every week. Let’s regroup in Week 6 and for now just leave you with some random photos of Conrad Chapin. </p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="768" height="1024" data-attachment-id="646" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/14/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-5/img_0034/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0034.jpg" data-orig-size="1080,1440" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0034" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0034.jpg?w=768" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0034.jpg?w=768" alt="" class="wp-image-646" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0034.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0034.jpg?w=113 113w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0034.jpg?w=225 225w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0034.jpg 1080w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 768px) 100vw, 768px" /></figure>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="580" height="1023" data-attachment-id="649" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/14/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-5/img_0036/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0036.jpg" data-orig-size="816,1440" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0036" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0036.jpg?w=580" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0036.jpg?w=580" alt="" class="wp-image-649" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0036.jpg?w=580 580w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0036.jpg?w=85 85w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0036.jpg?w=170 170w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0036.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0036.jpg 816w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 580px) 100vw, 580px" /><figcaption>The look you get when you find titanium sheets for 25 cents apiece</figcaption></figure>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="429" height="429" data-attachment-id="647" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/14/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-5/img_0035/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0035.jpg" data-orig-size="429,429" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0035" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0035.jpg?w=429" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0035.jpg?w=429" alt="" class="wp-image-647" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0035.jpg 429w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0035.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0035.jpg?w=300 300w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 429px) 100vw, 429px" /></figure>

excerpt:
  <p>Welcome to a very special Wednesday edition of TMTT. Wednesday is a day that is near and dear to my heart due to the incredibly gay shit Commisioner Close and I did together each Wednesday night in college as precocious freshman at the State University of New York at Oswego. We reserved that day for [&hellip;]</p>

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date: 2020-10-15T19:21:34-04:00
author: Harrison Horsecock
title: 2020 Civil War Match of the Year
images_json: {}
content_html:
  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Another week is officially in the books, and unfortunately weed is still illegal on a federal level. Hey gang, 6 time cock push up world champion Harry HorseCock here, and you know what Week 6 means: time to take a look at this year’s&nbsp;<em>Civil War Match of the Year</em>! Every year people always ask me: “Harry, who’s playing in this year’s Civil War Match, and what week can we expect it ya old chungus?!” After months of research and excessive dab use, I was finally able to correctly determine that this year’s Civil War Match was taking place in Week 6. Determining which Week 6 matchup would earn the illustrious title of 2020 Civil War Match proved to be exponentially more difficult, however.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/j6Is5fP.jpg" alt="" width="457" height="300" /><figcaption>The annual “Civil War Match” started in 2008 and is the biggest fantasy football matchup of the season in the Gloversville Fantasy Football League. Every year, tens of people tune in to find out which team will be crowned this year’s “Civil War Match” champion.</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">With multiple games on the Week 6 slate poised to be barn burners with playoff (or in some cases, mundane randy) implications, it almost appeared as though&nbsp;<em>any</em>&nbsp;matchup would suffice. But this is the&nbsp;<em>Civil War Match</em>&nbsp;we’re talking about, perhaps the most important matchup of the entire fantasy football season, and&nbsp;<em>PK vs. Scones</em>&nbsp;certainly doesn’t deserve the publicity and prestige that comes from the grandaddy of all fantasy football matches. An obvious choice would be to get two birds stoned at once and turn the LaPorta Bowl into the Civil War Match as well and call it a day. But when you actually take a closer look at Mike and Joe’s teams, you’ll see that they are actually playing in the LaPorta<em>Potty</em>&nbsp;Bowl, which is obviously unworthy of moonlighting as this year’s Civil War Match. No gang, there’s only one matchup this week truly worthy of calling itself the 2020 Civil War Match:&nbsp;<em>Eric “Pookie” Lucas (The North) vs. Pedro “Adolf” Close (The South)</em>.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/xRajqtM.jpg" alt="" width="623" height="438" /><figcaption>Pedro “Adolf” Close (left) and Eric “Pookie” Lucas quenching their thirst at the GFFL club house water fountains in Week 3, 2019.</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Before we dive in and analyze each team and just what to expect, let’s take a quick look at the facts and statistics that catapulted these teams into the crown jewel of all fantasy football matchups. Here we have Pookie sitting at 2-3, on the outside looking in for a playoff spot, but on a 2 game win streak. And on the other hand we have Pedro, sitting at 3-2, currently holding onto a playoff spot by the skin of his gooch, and on a 2 game losing streak. The league commissioner versus the most recently added member. Last years champion versus the guy who was supposed to be a lock for this year’s mundane randy. The guy with the Play-Doh dick versus the guy with chlamydia. The story lines go on and on with this one gang, and it’s clearly a must-win for both teams, which is going to make for one hell of 2020 Civil War Match! Let’s take a closer look at the teams!</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/veG74e7.jpg" alt="" width="603" height="419" /><figcaption>Have you always wanted your own Play-Doh dick just like Pedro’s? Well you’re in luck! Apparent cowboy-pedophile <em>Sam Elliott</em> is here to the rescue with his Play-Doh Penis Making Kit! Fun for all ages 3 and up, Sam’s Play-Doh Penis Making Kit will finally give everyone the ability to make their own Play-Doh dick, just like Pedro’s!*</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>The North:</strong>&nbsp;As mentioned above, Pookie’s team caught fire 2 weeks ago and now find themselves in the midst of a 2 game win streak that saw them put up 130 and 134 points, respectively. A much welcomed sight after an 0-3 start, Pookie’s squad is starting to look like it may have the makings of a legitimate playoff contender. The emergence of rookie wide receivers Chase Claypool and CeeDee “Four Disk” Lamb coupled with veterans Mike Evans and D.K. Metcalf have propelled this receiving corps toward the top of the league. Johnathan Taylor is becoming a true number 1 running back and David Johnson continues to show flashes of his historical 2016 season, all while DeShaun Watson and Big Ben Roethlisberger are teaching a masters class in consistently solid quarterback play. Needless to say, Pookie’s team is moving in the right direction.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/h3jiuV0.jpg" alt="" width="347" height="342" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Aside from the success his team has found on the field the past couple of weeks, Pookie himself represents The North in many ways. After escaping from his oppressed life in Upstate New York through the above-ground railroad in pursuit of his freedom, Pookie settled down and became an official citizen in Denver, Colorado. Although he is <em>mostly</em> free of his past, he is still haunted by the lingering oppression brought into his life by GFFL commissioner Pedro “Adolf” Close. According to multiple sources, Pookie attempted to depart from the league prior to the 2020 season, citing his new beginning in Denver and his desire to leave his daunting past behind him as the reason. In an actual recorded and highly incriminating voicemail, GFFL commissioner Pedro “Adolf” Close can be clearly heard stating “I will fly to Denver and make you my bitch again. You think you can just leave? No fucking way. I’ll shove my dick so far down your throat it pops out your pooper. You’ll be on a plane back to New York faster than you can spell L-S-D, motherfucker. Then I’ll kill your whole family while you watch, before putting you back to work in the cotton fields where you belong, you hippie fuck. You think you’re leaving this fucking league? You got another fucking thing coming, buddy.”&nbsp;</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/A08PXrr.jpg" alt="" width="523" height="360" /><figcaption>Pedro “Adolf” Close and Eric “Pookie” Lucas in class circa 2004. From friends to slave/slave owner to 2020 Civil War Match opponents, the relationship between Pedro and Pookie is as stable as Mrs. Hussein on a Friday during 5th period in 2009. </figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">After giving in to Pedro’s threats and agreeing to participate in the league again this year, Pookie attempted to peacefully protest by self-sabotaging his own draft. Although his efforts have proven unsuccessful, Pookie now finds himself with an even&nbsp;<em>better</em>&nbsp;opportunity to claim revenge against his oppressor: Pookie has the chance to beat Pedro this week &#8211; the guy who forced him into the league this season &#8211; and steal his playoff spot. How much sweeter could it get?</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/7el0N7S.jpg" alt="" width="665" height="384" /><figcaption>Mrs. Hussein on a Friday during 5th period in 2009.</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>The South:</strong>&nbsp;After starting the season 3-0 and at the top of the league heading into Week 4, Pedro “Adolf” Close now finds himself sitting at 3-2 and in danger of losing his playoff spot after dropping his last 2 matchups. In week 4 Pedro found himself in the bottom three lowest scores of the week with a 105. But things got much worse in week 5 when his team could only muster up a measly 64 points in a performance so poor it was enough to earn Pedro the Poyfair Performance of the Year award. So you’re probably asking yourself: “Why does a team this bad deserve to be a part of the biggest, most renowned fantasy football match of the season?” And you’d certainly be right to do so. But when we take a closer look you might actually see some legitimate excuses for the poor play.&nbsp;</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/yfeVVOf.jpg" alt="" width="780" height="315" /><figcaption>An advertisement used in an attempt to recruit new members into the GFFL made by league commissioner Pedro “Adolf” Close. According to multiple sources, Pedro is preparing to reform the league into a 16 team league without the consent of league members simply because he thinks “it would be better.”</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">The biggest thing working against Pedro (besides his eyebrows) this season has been the loss of number one overall pick Christian McCaffrey. But even aside from McCaffrey, Pedro’s team has been plagued by injuries all season. Kenny Golladay and Debo Samuel have both been almost&nbsp;&nbsp;completely absent from this receiving corps, and his trade for A.J. Green ended up being just as bad, as Green now finds himself sitting on the bench for the likes of rookie Tee Higgins anyway. But McCaffrey is poised to return to action, Golladay is healthy and fresh off a bye week, and Samuel is healthy and back in the lineup as well, all in Week 6. This lineup may finally be at full strength and it couldn’t have come at a better time, as a playoff spot hangs in the balance.&nbsp;</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/Pe03E2J.jpg" alt="" /><figcaption>A fan of Pedro’s team brought a controversial sign to the 2020 GFFL draft. While Tee, Pat, and Andrew may approve, Joe Chitt and Fran Gifford certainly wouldn’t.</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Pedro “Adolf” Close is the perfect human embodiment of the southern United States. Much like any other Southerner, Pedro is a fascist who believes in segregation and slavery, loves gravy, plays the banjo, and calls all soda “coke”. While all of this may sound great (where do I sign up?), Pedro is actually&nbsp;<em>best</em>&nbsp;known for oppressing fellow members of the GFFL. After being exposed as a cotton field owner in a shocking and highly incriminating voicemail in which he threatened Pookie into rejoining the league, Pedro promptly broke into a retirement home and stole costume jewelry, among other valuables, from old folk. When asked to comment on his actions, all Pedro would say was that he was “fucked up on a bunch of quaaludes at the time of both incidents.” It’s worth noting that since the retirement home incident, Pedro has taken a vow of sobriety that is expected to negatively impact his team, however just how much it does remains to be seen.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/7XOGLiN.jpg" alt="" width="318" height="497" /><figcaption>A screenshot of my text conversation with GFFL commissioner Pedro “Adolf” Close shortly after the infamous voicemail-retirement home incidents occurred.</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">A clear representation of the American south, Pedro’s team has the opportunity to not only make Pookie his “bitch again”, but to rewrite history and give the south the victory that so narrowly escaped their grasp back in 1865. Tentatively back at full strength, there’s no question that Robert E. Lee would be proud to lead Pedro’s troops into battle against Pookie’s squad of northern vermin. And with a playoff spot up for grabs, it’s safe to say that this henhouse is as ready as Mary Vandenabeele on a Tuesday night.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/jIi0OBL.jpg" alt="" width="671" height="449" /><figcaption>Pedro “Adolf” Close (right) with life partner Conrad J. Chapin (left) and dog Dink (bottom).</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Welp, that about does it gang. Week 6 is at our doorstep and with it is coming the steaming hot cum of a dozen Kalahari Bushmen on Pookie or Pedro’s face.&nbsp;<em>And</em>&nbsp;the 2020 Civil War Match. Anyone can win, but&nbsp;<em>everyone</em>&nbsp;will be watching to find out who does. But I got a half a pack of Newport hunnids, a full glass of Mr. Boston, and middle aged Chilean twins on a pop-up live chat. Ciao for now.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/YsHgzwX.jpg" alt="" /><figcaption>A shot from last years epic <em>Marco vs. Vinny Civil War Match.</em></figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">*Please note that Sam Elliott’s Play-Doh Penis Making Kit will not give you an actual attached Play-Doh dick like Pedro, rather a detached Play-Doh dick that looks virtually identical to his.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"></p>

excerpt:
  <p>Another week is officially in the books, and unfortunately weed is still illegal on a federal level. Hey gang, 6 time cock push up world champion Harry HorseCock here, and you know what Week 6 means: time to take a look at this year’s&nbsp;Civil War Match of the Year! Every year people always ask me: [&hellip;]</p>


date: 2020-10-20T10:01:16-04:00
author: Pat Fenis
title: Tuesday Morning Toilet Talk
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  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>Moose Knuckle</strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>Pronounced</strong>: [mus ˈnʌkəl]</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>Definition</strong>: A man’s version of a camel toe. The result of wearing Spandex, or pants that are way too tight &#8211; resulting in an unsightly bulge of the testicles.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>Sentence</strong>: Check out the moose knuckle on that fat fuckin’ bastard!</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Morning, men. Wicked hangover this morning after aggressively celebrating the South’s victory in last nights Civil War Matchup. I woke up covered in piss, shit, cum, blood, saliva, bile, and shocker-flavored slushie.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="678" height="1023" data-attachment-id="662" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/20/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-6/img_0149/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0149.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,1793" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0149" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0149.jpg?w=678" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0149.jpg?w=678" alt="" class="wp-image-662" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0149.jpg?w=678 678w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0149.jpg?w=99 99w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0149.jpg?w=199 199w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0149.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0149.jpg 1188w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 678px) 100vw, 678px" /><figcaption>Reminds me of Little League</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">But, I’ve sponged myself off and washed the temporary tattoo swastika off my forehead so let’s take a look at Week 6, shall we?</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>QUICK VOCAL EXERCISE</strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">First, let’s get warmed up. Try saying Jared Goff 5x fast and tell me it doesn’t sound like you’re saying “Jerk Off.”</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>THE URINAL TROUGH MATCHUP OF THE YEAR</strong></p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="851" data-attachment-id="663" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/20/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-6/img_0165/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0165.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,988" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0165" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0165.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0165.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-663" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0165.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0165.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0165.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0165.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0165.jpg 1188w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Something smells. Is that the dead hooker I buried under the porch? No, thank god. She’s under there pretty deep and I used lots of lime. That stench is just PK facing Scones in a fantasy football stinker.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">In one of the most rotten affairs we’ve ever had to witness (both Rock and Matt scored more than these 2 did combined), PK fanned the flames early over Snapchat after Vinny had negative points approaching the 2:00 hour. </p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">But in a turn of events essentially all of us saw coming, the ASS Atack nearly backfired and this one was hanging in the balance well into Monday night.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">In the end, complete and utter ineptitude prevailed as a wrong decision between Isiah Ford and Breshad Perriman proved the difference in this fifth loss of the season for a man who may soon have to give up the “Scones” moniker out of shame.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Isiah Ford and Breshad Perriman. I CAN’T imagine why Vinny is where he is.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="880" height="1023" data-attachment-id="664" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/20/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-6/img_0157/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0157.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,1382" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0157" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0157.jpg?w=880" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0157.jpg?w=880" alt="" class="wp-image-664" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0157.jpg?w=880 880w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0157.jpg?w=129 129w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0157.jpg?w=258 258w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0157.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0157.jpg 1188w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 880px) 100vw, 880px" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>RELEGATION UPDATE</strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Vinny’s season is not just embarrassing for him and the entire Mosconi family. This year, there are life-altering implications and we have two clear cut unqualified morons at risk of losing their seat at the GFFL table in Scones and Jack.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="228" data-attachment-id="665" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/20/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-6/img_0158/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0158.jpg" data-orig-size="1124,251" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0158" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0158.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0158.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-665" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0158.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0158.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0158.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0158.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0158.jpg 1124w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">As it turns out, we also have two clear runaways in the Gloversville Poyfair league primed to make the leap to the big show next season.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="551" height="1024" data-attachment-id="666" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/20/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-6/img_0141/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0141.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,2208" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0141" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0141.jpg?w=551" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0141.jpg?w=551" alt="" class="wp-image-666" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0141.jpg?w=551 551w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0141.jpg?w=1102 1102w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0141.jpg?w=81 81w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0141.jpg?w=161 161w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0141.jpg?w=768 768w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 551px) 100vw, 551px" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Shane Calhoun is 6-0 after soliciting Donald Trump on Twitter to rig his games in exchange for the vote of everyone in Gloversville named Calhoun, Poyfair, Dolder, Morehouse, Young, Brockhum and Blowers.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">And folks, we have quite a shocker for you sitting in 2nd place.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">After a 1-1 start, Brent Savage surprisingly quit the Poyfair League to join an Iranian cult that worships the elephant as a main source of both food and sexual pleasure.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">His replacement has reeled off 4 straight victories to sit alone at 5-1.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="720" height="919" data-attachment-id="668" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/20/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-6/img_0132/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0132.jpg" data-orig-size="720,919" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0132" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0132.jpg?w=720" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0132.jpg?w=720" alt="" class="wp-image-668" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0132.jpg 720w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0132.jpg?w=118 118w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0132.jpg?w=235 235w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 720px) 100vw, 720px" /><figcaption>Timmy Giblin using his sheets to prepare for Week 7 &#8211; gunning for 5 straight </figcaption></figure>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="649" height="1024" data-attachment-id="670" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/20/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-6/img_0131-1/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0131-1.jpg" data-orig-size="1125,1776" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0131-1" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0131-1.jpg?w=649" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0131-1.jpg?w=649" alt="" class="wp-image-670" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0131-1.jpg?w=649 649w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0131-1.jpg?w=95 95w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0131-1.jpg?w=190 190w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0131-1.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0131-1.jpg 1125w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 649px) 100vw, 649px" /><figcaption>Timmy relaxing with the family after another victory</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Looks like our diversity quotient is set to go up yet again. Looking forward to the political banter between Calhoun and Kennedy, and the series of grunts and spastic hand movements between Timmy and Pookie.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>2-POINT CONVERSION</strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">While Jack being relegated to the Poyfair League is a funny little talking point for us in the GFFL, some are saying there may be a more sinister set of circumstances from Jack’s past that may be affecting him this season.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="644" height="1024" data-attachment-id="671" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/20/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-6/img_0078/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0078.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,1889" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0078" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0078.jpg?w=644" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0078.jpg?w=644" alt="" class="wp-image-671" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0078.jpg?w=644 644w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0078.jpg?w=94 94w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0078.jpg?w=189 189w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0078.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0078.jpg 1188w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 644px) 100vw, 644px" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Not much is known outside the Vandenabeele family about the attempted 2007 straightening of our friend Jack. God knows it didn’t work 100% but after a series of semi-functioning Male/Female relationships, Jack has been straight enough to pass undetected for most of his adulthood.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Cue the 2020 Jack Off Golf Tournament where (and I hope I’m not beating a dead horse here) Jack’s own staunchly heterosexual father joined in a crowd of around 50 people chanting “Jacks a Fag” at his own son.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">If you looked closely in Jack’s eyes you could actually see the moment the PTSD hit and visions of men’s balls began dancing through his head. In war they call it “shell shock”. For Jack, it was “cock shock.”</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="570" data-attachment-id="672" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/20/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-6/img_0160/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0160.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,662" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0160" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0160.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0160.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-672" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0160.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0160.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0160.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0160.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0160.jpg 1188w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Sadly, Jack’s focus has not been the same since his relapse and it shows in the standings. As his friends, let’s pray for him. As God-fearing Christians, get it together Jack you fucking queer.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>HALLOWEEN REMINDER</strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">With COVID shuffling the deck across all areas of society, it’s not surprising that I’ve begun seeing early trick or treating going on in some neighborhoods. </p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">So just a quick reminder to ALWAYS inspect your children’s candy before allowing them to dig into their yummy treats.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="853" data-attachment-id="673" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/20/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-6/img_0161/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0161.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,990" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0161" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0161.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0161.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-673" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0161.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0161.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0161.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0161.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0161.jpg 1188w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /><figcaption>My youngest, Dakota and Lillian</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">I took my little munchkins out this past weekend and nearly missed something that a sicko hid in a Snickers bar.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="403" data-attachment-id="674" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/20/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-6/img_0135/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0135.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,468" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0135" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0135.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0135.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-674" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0135.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0135.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0135.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0135.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0135.jpg 1188w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /><figcaption>Enhanced photo</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">That’s right. I found a fully rolled blunt and Colin Kaepernick hiding in there. Marijuana abuse and liberalism are equally dangerous afflictions. Our very own Patrick Kennedy has been affected by both over the course of his life. Keep an eye out and let’s not let this hedonism propagate another generation. ALL Lives Matter.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Folks, I hope you’re as excited for Week 7 as I am. Not only will we take a deep dive into the <strong>Ethan Albright Madden Letter</strong> on its 13-year anniversary, we will also be introducing another special video segment where the lowest scorer of the week gets gangbanged by OJ Simpson, David Wells, Andrew Ficili, Joe Biden, and Mr. Feeny.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Cheers!</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="640" data-attachment-id="675" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/20/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-6/img_0167/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0167.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,743" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0167" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0167.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0167.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-675" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0167.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0167.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0167.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0167.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0167.jpg 1188w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></figure>

excerpt:
  <p>Moose Knuckle Pronounced: [mus ˈnʌkəl] Definition: A man’s version of a camel toe. The result of wearing Spandex, or pants that are way too tight &#8211; resulting in an unsightly bulge of the testicles. Sentence: Check out the moose knuckle on that fat fuckin’ bastard! Morning, men. Wicked hangover this morning after aggressively celebrating the [&hellip;]</p>

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date: 2020-10-21T21:03:40-04:00
author: Harrison Horsecock
title: Week 7 for the Sponsors
images_json: {}
content_html:
  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">I love fantasy football, man! What other sport has mid-season bowl games to end the first half of the regular season? If you’re still reading, you’ve likely deduced that Week 7 will be dedicated to the classic first half of the season bowl matches the GFFL is known for holding. Hey gang, 6 time cock push up world champion Harry HorseCock here, and although some owners view the Week 7 Bowl Week as an excuse for big business to shove ads down the throats of consumers, others see it as fun rivalry week filled with rich history and dramatic finishes. And while we’ve been able to provide you 6 weeks of ad-free content, we here at the GFFL need to eat too, so Week 7 Bowl Week is being brought to you by all of our major sponsors. So after a majorly uneventful Week 6, let’a finally jump into some bowl games!</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>The RetarDEX Bowl: Randy vs. Mike</strong> </p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/k5qgj11.jpg" alt="" width="408" height="287" /><figcaption>The GFFL and the 2020 RetarDEX Bowl are brought to you by RetarDEX toothpaste. RetarDEX &#8211; It makes your mouth <em>stupid</em> clean!</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">It probably comes as no surprise that Randy is the only GFFL league owner to be completely winless against another active owner. What probably <em>is</em> surprising is that the only owner to be <em>undefeated</em> against another active owner is Mike. Believe it or not, Mike was actually the league leader in total cumulative points scored prior to the controversial PPR reform of 2015. But there’s just something about his annual matchup against Randy that truly brings out his competitive and sociopathic ways, as his 3-0 lifetime record against him indicates. Prior to their Week 7 2020 matchup, Mike changed his team name to MR ASS + MA HOMIES, a clear shot at Randy for his lack of friends.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/k1Zrhcy.jpg" alt="" width="502" height="172" /><figcaption>If you or a woman you know needs their beaver cleaned, get on down to Beaver Cleaners LTD! Use promo code <em>GFFL2020</em> for 20% off your next cleaning! Because there’s nothing worse than a stinky snatch! Beaver Cleaners LTD is a proud partner of the GFFL and RetarDEX Bowl.</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">When asked why his team always does their best against Randy, Mike said “Because I hate that douchebag fuck. Those red shoes and that faux hawk and chinstrap, fuck him.” I then showed Mike a more recent photograph of Randy, to which he replied “I don’t give a fuck.” Before I left him, I asked Mike why he thinks his team hasn’t performed as well as it used to since the 2015 PPR reform. His response: “What 2015 PPR reform?! Fuck! <em>FUCK</em>!! Are you fucking kidding me?! <em>FUCK</em>!! Joe!! Get down to the basement, <em>NOW</em>!!” Crazy stuff. Even if they <em>were</em> drafted as a non-PPR team, you can bet your bottom dollar they’ll all show up to destroy Randy’s team in this year’s RetarDEX Bowl, as Randy’s team likely won’t show up at all again after being a no-show in Weeks 5 and 6.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>The Parmela Creamery Aged Nutcheese Bowl: PK vs. Jack</strong> </p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/uunJZfS.jpg" alt="" width="339" height="416" /><figcaption>Parmela Creamery Aged Nutcheese is scraped daily from the saltiest and filthiest nuts we could find &#8211; Fat Pat Lee’s. After aging it 30 days, we forcibly place our finest Nutcheese on your kitchen table for the whole family to enjoy! Parmela Creamery is a proud partner of the GFFL and the 2020 Parmela Creamery Aged Nutcheese Bowl!</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">The most played and least respected Bowl Game on the Week 7 Slate, the Parmela Creamery Aged Nutcheese Bowl features two owners that have met a whopping 21 times throughout their careers. With Jack reeling in an unprecedented 15 wins as opposed to PK’s 6, don’t be surprised to see Jack pull himself out of his slump in this one gang. Only 4 things are sure in life: death, taxes, hookers make good murder victims, and Jack beats PK at fantasy football. Simple as that.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/3fO0pEb.jpg" alt="" width="638" height="417" /><figcaption>The 2020 Parmela Creamery Aged Nutcheese Bowl is also brought to you by Ram in the Bush Christian Center. It’s never too tight if you just <em>Ram It</em>!</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>The Hand Job Nails &amp; Spa Bowl: Joe vs. Vinny</strong></p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/QJfagZC.jpg" alt="" width="588" height="383" /><figcaption>Hand Job Nails &amp; Spa is now open and GFFL league owner Marco DeLilli (right) was the first customer in line! Hand Job Nails &amp; Spa is a proud partner of the GFFL. ‘Cause sometimes, winning a championship <em>isn’t</em> the happy ending you need!</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"> Somehow, these two teams have only managed to face each other 11 times in the 11 seasons they have both been in the league. In an almost impossible anomaly,  Joe and Vinny have never faced off in the playoffs, in the mundane randy bracket, or more than once during the regular season (don’t check my math). And that’s not even the biggest head scratcher here. Somehow, both of these owners have managed to win not just one, but two championships, while never meeting in the playoffs. Astounding. This is the best of the best that the GFFL has to offer gang, which is why they find themselves in the classic Hand Job Nails &amp; Spa Bowl this year. Forget the present and the fact that Scones hasn’t broken 100 points since Week 1, just enjoy the show of excellence sure to be on display in this one!</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/qy9uFEE.jpg" alt="" width="473" height="360" /><figcaption>The GFFL and the 2020 Hand Job Nails &amp; Spa Bowl is also brought to you by Wang Glove’s. Are you tired of getting cum everywhere when you jerk off animals? Luckily for you there’s Wang Glove’s! Not intended for use on human wangs, Wang Gloves are made of a soft yet absorbent material that you and your animal will both love! Find Wang Glove’s at your local Asian owned mini-mart today!</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>Chester vs. Natedogg:</strong> Due to a lack of sponsors, Chester vs. Natedogg is not an officially sponsored bowl game this year, but that doesn’t mean it’s not important!</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="https://i.imgur.com/4fdyETY.jpg" alt="" /><figcaption>The GFFL is brought to you by Unlimited Erections, LLC. When life grabs you by the D, call Unlimited Erections, LLC! Www.unlimitederections.com</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>The KidSexChange, Inc. Bowl: Pedro vs. Rock</strong> </p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/OTOzHMg.jpg" alt="" width="507" height="387" /><figcaption>The GFFL and the 2020 KidSexChange, Inc. Bowl are brought to you by KidSexChange, Inc. Do you have a daughter but always wanted a son? Or vice-versa? Let’s be real, nobody with a son wishes they had a daughter instead, but just in case you are one of those fuck freaks, KidSexChange, Inc. will perform the procedure for you regardless of the little fucker’s age! KidSexChange, Inc. &#8211; Where dreams are made!</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">There was really only one possible matchup for this one. With a perfectly even 8-8 lifetime record against each other, Pedro vs. Rock could <em>go either way</em>. And let’s not forget Pedro’s sex change back in the first grade, or Rock’s transvestite “partner” Amanda Snyder back in ‘03.  Yep, these teams definitely belong in the old meaningless KidSexChange, Inc. Bowl. With Rock currently being the top ranked team in the league and Pedro the 4th, nobody will give a single fuck who wins this one, just as long as someone loses. Gonna be a fun one!</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/1ZX3zlC.jpg" alt="" width="384" height="432" /><figcaption>Are you sick of always having a rock hard throbbing boner every time you go out in public? Worry no more, because Boner Spray is here! For a boner that won’t go away, get Boner Spray! Boner Spray is a proud partner of the GFFL and the 2020 KidSexChange, Inc. Bowl!</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>The Findus Crack-Sticks Bowl: Pookie vs. Marco</strong> </p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/cy7W0gf.jpg" alt="" width="531" height="306" /><figcaption>Step on a crack, or smoke it if you’re black! Findus Crack-Sticks is a proud sponsor of the GFFL and the 2020 Findus Crack-Sticks Bowl!</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Don’t be surprised if this one winds up being the highest scoring matchup of the week. When Pookie and Marco realize they’re playing in the Findus Crack-Sticks Bowl, they’ll be adjusting lineups, making waiver claims, and slinging trades like there’s an 8-ball of choch on the line! That being said, you gotta think Marco will come out on top in this one, <em>and</em> end up with Pookie’s entire paycheck in the process. Either way, this year’s Findus Crack-Sticks Bowl is shaping up to be a fun one!</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/7toixZU.jpg" alt="" width="687" height="335" /><figcaption>The GFFL and the 2020 Findus Crack-Sticks Bowl are also brought to you by Gama Cemen Dip! Sweet and salty, Gama Cemen Dip will always melt in your mouth and not your hand!</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">As an added bonus, here’s this week’s <em>Boner of the Week</em>!</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/2Rgdayw.jpg" alt="" width="534" height="365" /><figcaption>Philip S. Miklic</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Welp, that about does it gang. All of the pertinent Week 7 Bowl Week info you need in one place. But I gotta get to a rimjob appointment. Enjoy some messages from some of GFFL’s other sponsors until next time. Ciao for now.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/Ykw7jvD.jpg" alt="" width="352" height="318" /></figure>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/Us5eGpy.jpg" alt="" width="350" height="336" /></figure>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/SODdAng.jpg" alt="" width="340" height="418" /></figure>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/Uxc9y7t.jpg" alt="" width="333" height="293" /></figure>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/Vf5wIhG.jpg" alt="" width="333" height="298" /><figcaption>Master Bait and Tackle, Dingle Berries, Darwin Dick Sticks, ShitBeGone, and My Dung Thai food are all proud partners of the GFFL. </figcaption></figure>

excerpt:
  <p>I love fantasy football, man! What other sport has mid-season bowl games to end the first half of the regular season? If you’re still reading, you’ve likely deduced that Week 7 will be dedicated to the classic first half of the season bowl matches the GFFL is known for holding. Hey gang, 6 time cock [&hellip;]</p>


date: 2020-10-27T11:02:31-04:00
author: Pat Fenis
title: Tuesday Morning Toilet Talk
content_html:
  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="755" height="1023" data-attachment-id="688" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/27/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-7/img_0256-1/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0256-1.jpg" data-orig-size="1125,1525" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0256-1" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0256-1.jpg?w=755" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0256-1.jpg?w=755" alt="" class="wp-image-688" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0256-1.jpg?w=755 755w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0256-1.jpg?w=111 111w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0256-1.jpg?w=221 221w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0256-1.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0256-1.jpg 1125w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 755px) 100vw, 755px" /><figcaption>82-point scorer Mike LaPorta. Please check out the full scene here: <a href="https://youtu.be/S82Op80tOJE">www.thugorgy.com</a>. </figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">For those that are new to my work, not only am I an internationally acclaimed fantasy football blogger and photo editor, I am perhaps best known on the Twitter circuit for my scathing social commentary and pursuit of the truth using methods some would view as “unorthodox” but effective.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Just look at some of these actual peer reviews from October alone!</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="436" data-attachment-id="689" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/27/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-7/img_0243/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0243.jpg" data-orig-size="1125,480" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0243" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0243.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0243.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-689" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0243.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0243.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0243.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0243.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0243.jpg 1125w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></figure>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="342" data-attachment-id="690" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/27/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-7/img_0242/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0242.jpg" data-orig-size="1125,376" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0242" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0242.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0242.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-690" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0242.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0242.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0242.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0242.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0242.jpg 1125w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></figure>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="388" data-attachment-id="691" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/27/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-7/img_0213/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0213.jpg" data-orig-size="1125,427" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0213" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0213.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0213.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-691" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0213.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0213.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0213.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0213.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0213.jpg 1125w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="555" data-attachment-id="692" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/27/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-7/img_0259/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0259.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,645" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0259" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0259.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0259.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-692" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0259.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0259.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0259.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0259.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0259.jpg 1188w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /><figcaption>Not me. Just a lookalike, probably. </figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Gas em up, folks. Time to find a Final Solution for Week 7.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>WILLIAM EAGAN CACOPHONY OF EXPLORATORY BAND ROOM EJACULATION EXTRAVAGANZA OF THE DECADE</strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Fool me once, shame on me. Blow a hot, frothy load of man goo all over a band practice room at the height of the deadly H1N1 Swine flu pandemic, shame on Will Eagan.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="858" height="944" data-attachment-id="719" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/27/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-7/img_0320/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0320.jpg" data-orig-size="858,944" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0320" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0320.jpg?w=858" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0320.jpg?w=858" alt="" class="wp-image-719" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0320.jpg 858w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0320.jpg?w=136 136w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0320.jpg?w=273 273w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0320.jpg?w=768 768w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 858px) 100vw, 858px" /><figcaption>He was preparing for a career in music education </figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">This award is given to the league member who inevitably spends more time whacking off in inappropriate situations than actually participating in fantasy football.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">This decades award goes to none other than the only married man under 50 in the GFFL, Nathaniel “Dogger” “8Ball” “The Human Centipede” McGregor.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="818" data-attachment-id="694" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/27/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-7/img_0271/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0271.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,950" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0271" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0271.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0271.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-694" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0271.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0271.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0271.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0271.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0271.jpg 1188w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">After going viral this past Summer for running through the streets of Pakistan and beating around 2 dozen children with a medieval spiked mace, Nate’s lovely wife Alyssa cut off sex completely in an effort to eliminate the risk of childbirth.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">“I just can’t raise a baby with that monster,” she said before plunging her hand down my hands and grabbing a handful of Pat Fenis.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">End result for Dogger: him chronically jerking off to the thought of me banging his wife and the lowest activity levels in the league.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="949" data-attachment-id="695" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/27/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-7/img_0272/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0272.jpg" data-orig-size="1125,1043" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0272" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0272.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0272.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-695" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0272.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0272.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0272.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0272.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0272.jpg 1125w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Now THAT will win you this decades award.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>SAMANTHA BENTON UPDATE OF THE WEEK</strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">A challenge: read this and try not to kill yourself. </p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="594" height="1024" data-attachment-id="697" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/27/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-7/img_0214-2/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0214.jpg" data-orig-size="1125,1940" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0214" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0214.jpg?w=594" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0214.jpg?w=594" alt="" class="wp-image-697" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0214.jpg?w=594 594w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0214.jpg?w=87 87w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0214.jpg?w=174 174w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0214.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0214.jpg 1125w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 594px) 100vw, 594px" /></figure>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="658" height="1023" data-attachment-id="700" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/27/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-7/img_0224-2/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0224.jpg" data-orig-size="1125,1750" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0224" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0224.jpg?w=658" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0224.jpg?w=658" alt="" class="wp-image-700" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0224.jpg?w=658 658w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0224.jpg?w=96 96w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0224.jpg?w=193 193w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0224.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0224.jpg 1125w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 658px) 100vw, 658px" /></figure>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="587" height="1024" data-attachment-id="701" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/27/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-7/img_0273/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0273.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,2074" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0273" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0273.jpg?w=587" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0273.jpg?w=587" alt="" class="wp-image-701" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0273.jpg?w=587 587w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0273.jpg?w=1174 1174w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0273.jpg?w=86 86w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0273.jpg?w=172 172w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0273.jpg?w=768 768w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 587px) 100vw, 587px" /><figcaption>Goo goo gaga. Feeding time for this little fella. </figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>IF DONALD TRUMP BOUGHT THE BUFFALO BILLS</strong></p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="681" data-attachment-id="702" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/27/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-7/img_0276/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0276.jpg" data-orig-size="1500,998" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0276" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0276.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0276.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-702" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0276.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0276.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0276.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0276.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0276.jpg?w=1440 1440w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0276.jpg 1500w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">While mainly now known for being a xenophobic, racist, child molesting reality TV star who ran for President in light of dire financial straits from a lifetime of bad business deals spurred on by a combination of arrogance and complete ineptitude in the realms within which he invested the money that was given to him by his much more successful father, it is easy to forget that Donald Trump almost became the Owner of the Buffalo Bills in 2014.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">In all likelihood, had Trump secured the Bills ownership the entire world would have looked a LOT different over the past 5 years. But how, exactly?</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>2015</strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Trump fires Bills GM Doug Whaley and takes full control of the roster. For his first move, he releases QB Tyrod Taylor and signs Kim Jong Un as his new signal caller.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="854" height="616" data-attachment-id="703" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/27/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-7/img_0309/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0309.jpg" data-orig-size="854,616" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0309" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0309.jpg?w=854" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0309.jpg?w=854" alt="" class="wp-image-703" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0309.jpg 854w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0309.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0309.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0309.jpg?w=768 768w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 854px) 100vw, 854px" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>2016</strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Hillary loses the 2016 election to Post Malone after his 2015 SoundCloud single “White Iverson” becomes a sleeper hit. President Malone would release his debut album “Stoney” 1 month later to rave reviews.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="790" data-attachment-id="704" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/27/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-7/img_0292/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0292.jpg" data-orig-size="1095,845" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0292" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0292.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0292.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-704" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0292.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0292.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0292.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0292.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0292.jpg 1095w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>2017</strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Bills Owner Donald Trump releases all black players for kneeling and replaces them with various members of his family.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="682" data-attachment-id="705" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/27/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-7/img_0312/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0312.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,792" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0312" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0312.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0312.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-705" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0312.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0312.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0312.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0312.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0312.jpg 1188w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>2018</strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">President Malone hotboxes the Pentagon, causing a dense fog and confusion that accidentally leads to nuclear war.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="684" data-attachment-id="706" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/27/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-7/pentagon-terrorist-attack/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0314.jpg" data-orig-size="1910,1276" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;TSgt Jim Varhegyi&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;Smoke bellows from the Pentagon after a highjacked commercial jetliner crashed into the building Sept 11, 2001.  The Pentagon crash followed an attack on the twin towers of the World Trade Center in New York City  in one of the worst terrorist actions in history. (USAF photo by Tech. Sgt. Jim Varhegyi)&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;1000166400&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;Pentagon terrorist attack&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="Pentagon terrorist attack" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="&lt;p&gt;Smoke bellows from the Pentagon after a highjacked commercial jetliner crashed into the building Sept 11, 2001.  The Pentagon crash followed an attack on the twin towers of the World Trade Center in New York City  in one of the worst terrorist actions in history. (USAF photo by Tech. Sgt. Jim Varhegyi)&lt;/p&gt;
  " data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0314.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0314.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-706" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0314.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0314.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0314.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0314.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0314.jpg?w=1440 1440w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0314.jpg 1910w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>2019</strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">After meeting at a charity event, noted Cowboys fan President Malone and Trump make a friendly wager over the Thanksgiving Bills-Cowboys game. Winner gets to fuck Ivanka in the Oval Office.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="555" data-attachment-id="707" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/27/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-7/img_0299/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0299.jpg" data-orig-size="1131,613" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0299" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0299.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0299.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-707" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0299.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0299.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0299.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0299.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0299.jpg 1131w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /><figcaption>“That pussy tight, right?”</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>SPRING 2020</strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Donald Trump sells the Bills to Russia and accepts the position as President Malone’s new VP after sitting VP Caitlyn Jenner is fired for blowing the Iranian ambassador in exchange for a personal stock of weapons of mass destruction.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="659" data-attachment-id="708" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/27/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-7/img_0288/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0288.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,765" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0288" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0288.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0288.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-708" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0288.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0288.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0288.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0288.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0288.jpg 1188w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /><figcaption>Former Olympian Caitlyn Jenner getting ready to suck and fuck her way to a nuclear arsenal </figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>FALL 2020</strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">President Malone announces he will not be seeking a second term, handing the nomination over to Trump who promises to “Make America Great Again.”</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="976" height="549" data-attachment-id="709" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/27/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-7/img_0316/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0316.jpg" data-orig-size="976,549" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0316" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0316.jpg?w=976" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0316.jpg?w=976" alt="" class="wp-image-709" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0316.jpg 976w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0316.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0316.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0316.jpg?w=768 768w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 976px) 100vw, 976px" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">For next week’s blog I’m looking to do something a bit more interactive. If each of you can send me a video of you pissing on a geriatric along with a list of your top 5 favorite male to female post-op transgendered porn stars, I think I have an idea that can’t miss.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">We will also be implementing a game show-style segment next week called <strong>Ding Dong Ditch</strong> where 2 league members will go head to head in identifying NFL players based solely on pictures of their cocks. Until then!</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="558" data-attachment-id="711" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/10/27/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-7/img_0283-1/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0283-1.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,648" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0283-1" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0283-1.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0283-1.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-711" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0283-1.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0283-1.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0283-1.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0283-1.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/img_0283-1.jpg 1188w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"></p>

excerpt:
  <p>For those that are new to my work, not only am I an internationally acclaimed fantasy football blogger and photo editor, I am perhaps best known on the Twitter circuit for my scathing social commentary and pursuit of the truth using methods some would view as “unorthodox” but effective. Just look at some of these [&hellip;]</p>

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date: 2020-10-29T18:19:50-04:00
author: Harrison Horsecock
title: Week 8 Election Week
images_json: {}
content_html:
  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Hey gang, for those of you who may not know me, I’m Harrison HorseCock, 6 time cock push up world champion and internationally renowned fantasy football blogger for the GFFL. I say that because for the first time ever, we here at the GFFL are bringing you a collaborative effort between myself and my colleague, Pat Fenis. Since my first post, my fantasy football blogging career has taken off, as fans from far and wide follow and write to me on a daily basis seeking assistance with Pokémon-Go or just general inquiries about my Tik-Tok spoofing career. Yeah, life’s been pretty wild since making it big, but not wild enough to stop me from writing my weekly column. Let’s dive in!</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/buG2Jj4.jpg" alt="" width="505" height="179" /><figcaption>Tens of fans, all of whom are very respected members of society, reach out to us here at the GFFL daily!</figcaption></figure>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/HDOTYfW.jpg" alt="" width="244" height="434" /><figcaption>Just look at all these amazing people!</figcaption></figure>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/LUZdCUu.jpg" alt="" width="268" height="476" /><figcaption>Some of the awesome fans giving feedback! You guys rock!</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">What do Vinny, Pennsylvania, and dozens of pre-pubescent boys have in common? They all love Subway Philly cheese steaks, <em>and</em> they’ve all been fucked by Jerry Sandusky. Flashback to the year 2003. Vinny is 12 with an asshole ripe for the picking, and he’s just been offered a job as the Penn State ball boy. As if life couldn’t get any better, he meets a nice older gentleman named J-Jizz who sodomizes and brings him Subway sandwiches regularly. Fast forward to 2020. Vinny’s asshole is loose and used up, but that won’t stop Joseph “Jizz” LaPorta from giving it one more good stretch on his way to this year’s <em>Jerry Sandusky Award</em>!</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/f4aFrzg.jpg" alt="" width="534" height="341" /><figcaption>Vinny enjoying a nice weekend full of playful roughhousing, Subway sandwiches, and butt play at J-Jizz’s house. <em> Photo taken by Pat Fenis, GFFL.</em></figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Awarded annually to the team that literally and metaphorically sodomizes Vinny both on <em>and</em> off the field, the recipient of the 2020 Sandusky award is truly an inspiration to all of us for his dedication to excellence in the field of Scones sodomy. His countless hours spent practicing and perfecting his craft reflect the sheer will and desire he has to be the greatest Scones sodomizer of his generation. Without further ado, I give you this year’s <em>Jerry Sandusky Award</em> winner, Joseph “Jizz” LaPorta!</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/teeASJf.jpg" alt="" width="677" height="380" /><figcaption>Presented by Mr. O’Kieff (top middle), Joseph “Jizz” LaPorta (bottom middle) accepts his 2020 <em>Jerry Sandusky Award</em> at what appears to be some kind of Nazi Death School. <em>Photo taken by Pat Fenis, GFFL.</em></figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Flashback to 2011. Vinny is about 5 or 6 years older than he was back in ‘03, and he’s a college man living on Subway sandwiches and rimjobs now. Despite the close relationship he maintains and enjoys with J-Jizz, he elects to go to the highly regarded <em>SUNY Cobleskill</em> instead of <em>Penn State</em>. It’s early in the morning on Saturday, November 5th, and Vinny is enjoying a nice bowl of Reese’s Puffs while watching some Saturday morning hardcore Asian horse porn on his parents couch. It’s at this exact moment he see’s a familiar face pop up on his TV screen &#8211; the unmistakable face of J-Jizz, with the name “Jerry Sandusky” right below it. But it was the words that followed that really hit Vinny in the pit of his stomach &#8211; “Accused of sexually assaulting dozens of children over a period spanning more than 15 years.”</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/FSrSZHG.jpg" alt="" width="325" height="409" /><figcaption>In an attempt to re-traumatize Vinny, I’m including the actual image he saw appear on his TV screen that fateful morning.</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Vinny was devastated. Crushed. <em>Empty</em>. He couldn’t believe it. Not <em>only</em> was J-Jizz actually a 60+ year old man named Jerry Sandusky, but he was also a top ranked serial pedophile in the nation. The realization that he was not J-Jizz’s one and only made his asshole ache. Vinny fell to his knees, hunched over while sobbing uncontrollably, gasping for breaths between sobs, shaking, trembling.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/7GcjQTr.jpg" alt="" width="489" height="278" /><figcaption>Jerry “J-Jizz” Sandusky preparing to assault a minor he sees in the crowd.</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Fast forward to Week 7 2020. GFFL commissioner Pedro “Adolf” Close is sitting in front of his computer screens on the 14 inch black dildo he affectionately calls “Gus”, when a thought we all regularly have pops into his head: “How can I fuck Joe over this week?” After tricking Joe into eating 2 and a half poop popsicles, Pedro made a move that almost earned him the 2020 Sandusky award. Originally intended to fuck Joe over, Pedro traded away Deebo Samuel, “Scummy Scary” Terry McLaurin, and Travis Kelce to Vinny for his garbage &#8211; Michael “Muffins” Thomas and Mark Andrews &#8211; all so that Vinny could beat Joe. And with a last second injury to Joe Mixon helping his chances, it started to look like Scones might actually get his first win since Week 1.&nbsp;</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/Ff6vtcR.jpg" alt="" width="536" height="300" /><figcaption>Pedro “Adolf” Close (top middle) taking a seat on Gus (bottom middle) with the help of an unknown but willing and eager accomplice (left). <em>Photo taken by Pat Fenis, GFFL.</em></figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">But Joe had something else in mind. Hentai rape porn, to be specific. And after spending the next 18 hours after the trade locked away in his room glued to PornHub, Joe would finally be ready to sodomize Vinny in the 2020 Hand Job Nails &amp; Spa Bowl.&nbsp;</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/CI9OHqe.jpg" alt="" width="322" height="429" /><figcaption>Photo courtesy of Joe’s search history.</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Flash back to 2003. A 12 year old Scones lies spread eagle on the floor of the Penn State showers, the lenses of his glasses fogged up from the steam of the scalding hot water, when Jerry “J Jizz” Sandusky walks in&#8230;</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/0JAj38r.jpg" alt="" width="283" height="452" /><figcaption>Vinny leaving home for his first day as an official Penn State ball boy. </figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Fast forward to the 2020 Hand Job Nails &amp; Spa Bowl. Devante Adams is dangling his dong all over Vinny’s team in an eerily similar fashion to J-Jizz hanging his wang above a 12 year old Vinny’s anus. And in an even bigger coincidence, it was reported that Joe’s nickname is also “Jizz”, and has been since &#8211; you guessed it &#8211; <em>2003</em>! Creepy! Even running a two tight end set with Travis Kelce and Noah Fant wasn’t enough to save Vinny’s loose b-hole from destruction. Not only was Joseph “Jizz” LaPorta blasting out Vinny’s asshole, but Joe’s entire team was <em>brutally raping</em> Vinny’s. In one instance they even physically assaulted Deebo Samuel to the point he required medical assistance and will likely miss <em>at least</em> 2 more weeks. Remember how I said <em>Pedro</em> almost won the 2020 Sandusky in a trade that was originally intended to fuck over Joe? Well it’s starting to look like he may have Sandusky’d Vinny in this one.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/Ty2y5RB.jpg" alt="" width="577" height="328" /><figcaption>Joe (middle) and Vinny (top) Sunday afternoon. </figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">That is, until Joseph “Jizz” LaPorta revealed he had not only sodomized <em>Vinny</em> in the Hand Job Nails &amp; Spa Bowl, but he had also sodomized <em>Pedro</em> beforehand as well. In a shocking turn of events, Joe confessed to flying over to Michael “Muffins” Thomas’ house on Wednesday night &#8211; prior to the trade &#8211; and forcing him to tear a hamstring in a convoluted and unexplained scheme. After the move, Joe immediately found himself elbow deep inside both Vinny <em>and</em> Pedro, <em>and</em> as the top ranked team in the league after annihilating Scones in fantasy football as well. As for last place Scones, well, he found himself in an all too familiar position&#8230;on his knees, hunched over while sobbing uncontrollably, gasping for breaths between sobs, shaking, and trembling.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img loading="lazy" src="https://i.imgur.com/M93oNVz.jpg" alt="" width="609" height="514" /><figcaption>Unfortunately, Joe (left) would not give consent for his face to be in this photo, and Pedro (middle) and Vinny (right) would not give consent for their genitals to be in the photo due to their embarrassingly small size. This photo was taken shortly after Monday night’s Bears-Rams game.</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Welp, that about does it gang. Big congrats to Joe “Jizz” for winning this year’s <em>Jerry Sandusky Award</em>! Please feel free to reach out to myself or any other member of the GFFL writing staff on whichever social media platform you prefer with any questions, comments, suggestions, Pokémon-Go questions, or any issues you may have with us (<em>especially</em> if you have issues with us <em>or</em> were offended by anything you may have read). You can reach me and my colleague Pat Fenis on Twitter at <em>@HarryHCock</em> and <em>@HCockJohnson</em>. And since this is my last article until after Election Day, anyone who goes out and votes for Biden, uploads a picture of it to social media, and tags us in it will get a special surprise from us here at the GFFL! Ciao for now!</p>

excerpt:
  <p>Hey gang, for those of you who may not know me, I’m Harrison HorseCock, 6 time cock push up world champion and internationally renowned fantasy football blogger for the GFFL. I say that because for the first time ever, we here at the GFFL are bringing you a collaborative effort between myself and my colleague, [&hellip;]</p>


date: 2020-11-03T10:34:13-05:00
author: Pat Fenis
title: Tuesday Morning Toilet Talk
content_html:
  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>New England Patriots</strong> &#8211; an overrated football team owned by a sex deviant, coached by a fat, mumbling and bumbling douchebag whose historical success is predicated purely on the performance of a 45-year-old man who makes out with his children, and quarterbacked by an African American transgendered woman who speaks in hieroglyphics.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="480" height="268" data-attachment-id="731" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/11/03/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-8/img_0520/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0520.gif" data-orig-size="480,268" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;0&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0520" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0520.gif?w=480" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0520.gif?w=480" alt="" class="wp-image-731" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0520.gif 480w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0520.gif?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0520.gif?w=300 300w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 480px) 100vw, 480px" /></figure>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="603" height="1023" data-attachment-id="732" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/11/03/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-8/img_0522/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0522.jpg" data-orig-size="1125,1910" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0522" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0522.jpg?w=603" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0522.jpg?w=603" alt="" class="wp-image-732" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0522.jpg?w=603 603w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0522.jpg?w=88 88w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0522.jpg?w=177 177w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0522.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0522.jpg 1125w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 603px) 100vw, 603px" /><figcaption>????</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>Patriotism</strong> &#8211; the feeling of love, devotion, and sense of attachment to a homeland and alliance with other citizens who share the same sentiment.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="682" data-attachment-id="733" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/11/03/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-8/img_0523/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0523.jpg" data-orig-size="1200,800" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0523" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0523.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0523.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-733" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0523.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0523.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0523.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0523.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0523.jpg 1200w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /><figcaption>Could do without the rainbow one, tbh </figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Morning, men. I just finished a hearty country breakfast of steak and eggs with a fresh bull semen drizzle before taking Tami Lee straight to pound town. I voted early for my favorite candidate (4 times!) and my Buffalo Bills are 6-2. Needless to say, I’m bursting out the asshole with as much Patriotism right now as Tami is bursting out the anus with my Election Day load.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">But folks, contrary to popular belief, life ISN’T just about cocks, cunts, and assholes.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Every 4 years we come together as a nation to put our differences aside and take part in a cute little process called Democracy.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="787" data-attachment-id="734" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/11/03/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-8/img_0516/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0516.jpg" data-orig-size="1125,865" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0516" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0516.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0516.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-734" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0516.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0516.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0516.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0516.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0516.jpg 1125w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">And NO country exchanges ideas and maintains a more peaceful, sane transfer of power than the great US of A.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-video"><video height="482" style="aspect-ratio: 886 / 482;" width="886" controls src="https://videos.files.wordpress.com/m8aKD7zO/rpreplay_final1604410012-1.mp4"></video></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">So this week, let’s put fantasy football aside and see if we can’t inspire one last push to “Get out the Vote!”</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">While most of the focus in election years is on the Presidency, it can be easy to forget that Congress is arguably more important in terms of pushing through legislation. Additionally, the President’s very own Cabinet (consisting of heads of various federal executive departments) plays a huge role in informing the President on policy decisions.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">For example &#8211; on matters of sustainability and agriculture, President Trump has leaned on this jolly fella, Sonny Perdue, a man who believes climate change is a hoax perpetrated by the Chinese government.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="819" height="1024" data-attachment-id="735" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/11/03/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-8/img_0524-1/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0524-1.jpg" data-orig-size="1279,1600" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) Secretary Sonny Perdue and Mrs, Mary Perdue meet with Longley Farm co-owner Kate Danner, her husband and co-owner Jason Danner, and her father John Longley, in Aledo, IL, on Aug. 6, 2017. His stop here is part of a five-state RV tour, featuring stops in five states: Wisconsin, Minnesota, Iowa, Illinois, and Indiana; titled the \u201cBack to Our Roots\u201d Tour, he is gathering input on the 2018 Farm Bill and increasing rural prosperity, Aug. 3-8, 2017. Along the way, Perdue will meet with farmers, ranchers, foresters, producers, students, governors, Members of Congress, U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) employees, and other stakeholders.  This is the first of two RV tours the secretary will undertake this summer. \u201cThe \u2018Back to our Roots\u2019 Farm Bill and rural prosperity RV listening tour will allow us to hear directly from people in agriculture across the country, as well as our consumers \u2013 they are the ones on the front lines of American agriculture and they know best what the current issues are,\u201d Perdue said.  \u201cUSDA will be intimately involved as Congress deliberates and formulates the 2018 Farm Bill.  We are committed to making the resources and the research available so that Congress can make good facts-based, data-driven decisions.  It\u2019s important to look at past practices to see what has worked and what has not worked, so that we create a farm bill for the future that will be embraced by American agriculture in 2018.\u201d   For social media purposes, Secretary Perdue\u2019s Twitter account (@SecretarySonny) will be using the hashtag #BackToOurRoots. USDA Photo by Lance Cheung.&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0524-1" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="&lt;p&gt;U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) Secretary Sonny Perdue and Mrs, Mary Perdue meet with Longley Farm co-owner Kate Danner, her husband and co-owner Jason Danner, and her father John Longley, in Aledo, IL, on Aug. 6, 2017. His stop here is part of a five-state RV tour, featuring stops in five states: Wisconsin, Minnesota, Iowa, Illinois, and Indiana; titled the “Back to Our Roots” Tour, he is gathering input on the 2018 Farm Bill and increasing rural prosperity, Aug. 3-8, 2017. Along the way, Perdue will meet with farmers, ranchers, foresters, producers, students, governors, Members of Congress, U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) employees, and other stakeholders.  This is the first of two RV tours the secretary will undertake this summer. “The ‘Back to our Roots’ Farm Bill and rural prosperity RV listening tour will allow us to hear directly from people in agriculture across the country, as well as our consumers – they are the ones on the front lines of American agriculture and they know best what the current issues are,” Perdue said.  “USDA will be intimately involved as Congress deliberates and formulates the 2018 Farm Bill.  We are committed to making the resources and the research available so that Congress can make good facts-based, data-driven decisions.  It’s important to look at past practices to see what has worked and what has not worked, so that we create a farm bill for the future that will be embraced by American agriculture in 2018.”   For social media purposes, Secretary Perdue’s Twitter account (@SecretarySonny) will be using the hashtag #BackToOurRoots. USDA Photo by Lance Cheung.&lt;/p&gt;
  " data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0524-1.jpg?w=819" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0524-1.jpg?w=819" alt="" class="wp-image-735" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0524-1.jpg?w=819 819w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0524-1.jpg?w=120 120w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0524-1.jpg?w=240 240w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0524-1.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0524-1.jpg 1279w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 819px) 100vw, 819px" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">While nothing has been made official, there are rumors floating around regarding Joe Biden’s cabinet choices should a blue wave sweep across the Midwest this evening. </p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>How might a Biden administration look?</strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>SECRETARY OF HOMELAND SECURITY &#8211; MATT CLOSE </strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Matt has had some great mentors in his life on his ascension to this position. Truly, nobody cares more about preserving the purity of our homeland than Secretary Close.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="720" data-attachment-id="745" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/11/03/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-8/img_0467/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0467.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,836" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0467" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0467.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0467.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-745" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0467.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0467.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0467.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0467.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0467.jpg 1188w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>SECRETARY OF EDUCATION &#8211; JACK VANDENABEELE</strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">They call him America’s Principal. Vandenabeele plans to institute nationwide faith-based homeschooling with him as the sole instructor.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="767" data-attachment-id="736" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/11/03/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-8/img_0458-1/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0458-1.jpg" data-orig-size="1062,796" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0458-1" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0458-1.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0458-1.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-736" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0458-1.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0458-1.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0458-1.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0458-1.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0458-1.jpg 1062w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /><figcaption>Secretary Vandenabeele, seconds away from a camera malfunction that will see him register as a sex offender</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Each day, students from Alaska to Maine will log into Zoom for 6 hours and listen to Vandenabeele preach from the New Testament while he plays with himself under the desk.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>SECRETARY OF COMMERCE &#8211; PATRICK KENNEDY</strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Secretary Kennedy, formerly a no-nonsense pizzeria manager known for his hair trigger temper when his employees sloppily make out over a pot of sauce, will be hell bent on ensuring the global economy is based entirely on the success of Wal-Mart in his new role.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="655" data-attachment-id="737" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/11/03/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-8/img_0448/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0448.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,761" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0448" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0448.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0448.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-737" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0448.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0448.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0448.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0448.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0448.jpg 1188w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /><figcaption>Kennedy gearing up to bulldoze the hopes and dreams of another small business owner</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>SECRETARY OF THE TREASURY &#8211; MARCO DELILLI</strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">I can’t think of anybody more trustworthy to direct the flow of money in this country than Marco.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="668" data-attachment-id="738" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/11/03/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-8/img_0515/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0515.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,776" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0515" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0515.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0515.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-738" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0515.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0515.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0515.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0515.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0515.jpg 1188w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /><figcaption>Marco after striking a trade deal that raised Colombia’s GDP to the world’s highest level</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">The national debt can only shrink with DeLilli at the helm.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>SECRETARY OF THE INTERIOR &#8211; ROCK ANICH</strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Rock will give whole new meaning to this position. His first order of business &#8211; naming the first ever official “Hole” of the United States: The Glory.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="689" height="1023" data-attachment-id="739" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/11/03/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-8/img_0485/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0485.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,1765" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0485" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0485.jpg?w=689" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0485.jpg?w=689" alt="" class="wp-image-739" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0485.jpg?w=689 689w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0485.jpg?w=101 101w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0485.jpg?w=202 202w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0485.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0485.jpg 1188w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 689px) 100vw, 689px" /><figcaption>Secretary Anich inspecting and overhauling a young supporters interior </figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>SECRETARIES OF AGRICULTURE &#8211; MIKE LOMANTO AND JOSEPH CHITTENDEN</strong></p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="847" height="1024" data-attachment-id="741" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/11/03/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-8/img_0502/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0502.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,1437" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0502" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0502.jpg?w=847" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0502.jpg?w=847" alt="" class="wp-image-741" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0502.jpg?w=847 847w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0502.jpg?w=124 124w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0502.jpg?w=248 248w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0502.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0502.jpg 1188w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 847px) 100vw, 847px" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Hired as the first ever Secretarial duo, Mike Lomanto and Joe Chittenden ascend to this position after entering a 110 pound penis-shaped pumpkin at the Fonda Fair.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="593" data-attachment-id="740" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/11/03/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-8/img_0519/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0519.jpg" data-orig-size="1035,600" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0519" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0519.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0519.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-740" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0519.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0519.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0519.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0519.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0519.jpg 1035w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>SECRETARY OF VETERAN AFFAIRS &#8211; MIKE LA PORTA</strong></p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="767" data-attachment-id="742" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/11/03/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-8/img_0500/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0500.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,890" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0500" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0500.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0500.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-742" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0500.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0500.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0500.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0500.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0500.jpg 1188w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /><figcaption>“Sheep &#8211; all of them”</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">The dirty little secret here is that Mike fucking hates veterans. Hates everything they stand for and especially hates having to “thank them for their service” every fucking time he sees one in uniform at a fucking McDonalds. Uneducated, murderous, attention-seeking nobodies! Sorry. Projecting.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>SECRETARY OF TRANSPORTATION &#8211; NATE MCGREGOR</strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">McGregor will be in charge of gaining the trust of transgendered Americans, before ultimately marching them into a large playpen surrounded by an armed militia for their immediate removal from society.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="575" data-attachment-id="744" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/11/03/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-8/img_0495/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0495.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,668" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0495" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0495.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0495.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-744" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0495.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0495.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0495.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0495.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0495.jpg 1188w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /><figcaption>Phase 1</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>SECRETARY OF HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES &#8211; RANDY TAGLIATELA</strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Often known as the “Drug Czar,” you can say goodbye to big pharma with Randy at the helm.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="466" data-attachment-id="746" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/11/03/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-8/img_0508/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0508.jpg" data-orig-size="1157,527" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0508" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0508.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0508.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-746" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0508.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0508.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0508.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0508.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0508.jpg 1157w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">2 full hits of LSD microdosed across the week is the new “apple a day” in a Tagliatela-led department.</p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>SECRETARY OF HOUSING AND URBAN DEVELOPMENT &#8211; ERIC LUCAS</strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Offered this role because he looks the most like he grew up at Dubois, Pookie and his assistant Troy Tortora will essentially be the Jim Lahey and Randy of housing projects. </p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="618" data-attachment-id="743" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/11/03/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-8/img_0466/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0466.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,717" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0466" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0466.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0466.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-743" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0466.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0466.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0466.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0466.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0466.jpg 1188w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /><figcaption>Secretary Lucas drunk playing hide and seek in a trash can while he’s supposed to be improving the lives of those in need of low-income housing</figcaption></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>ADMINISTRATOR OF THE ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION AGENCY &#8211; JOE LA PORTA</strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">When Joe isn’t dancing for rain or grazing on a well-balanced diet of maize, squash, and beans in his teepee, you can find him prancing around South Dakota protesting the Keystone XL pipeline that runs through his sacred land.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="646" data-attachment-id="747" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/11/03/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-8/img_0491/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0491.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,750" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0491" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0491.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0491.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-747" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0491.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0491.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0491.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0491.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0491.jpg 1188w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph"><strong>SECRETARY OF ENERGY &#8211; VINCENT MOSCONI</strong></p>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">SEE YA, Exxon Mobil! With Mosconi reunited with long-time associate Jared Fogle after a Presidential pardon, we will finally reach the point where Subway sandwiches and the tears of innocent children are once again the main fuel source in America.</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="577" data-attachment-id="748" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/11/03/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-8/img_0477/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0477.jpg" data-orig-size="1188,670" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0477" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0477.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0477.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-748" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0477.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0477.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0477.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0477.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0477.jpg 1188w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></figure>



  <p class="wp-block-paragraph">Well compadres, less than 12 hours till the results start rolling in. Coincidentally, about that same amount of time until I’m un-suspended from Twitter for pretending to be Javon Wims and threatening to beat the fuck out of some guy from Scotland. Cheers!</p>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="689" height="1024" data-attachment-id="751" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/11/03/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-8/img_0530/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0530.jpg" data-orig-size="1125,1673" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0530" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0530.jpg?w=689" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0530.jpg?w=689" alt="" class="wp-image-751" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0530.jpg?w=689 689w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0530.jpg?w=101 101w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0530.jpg?w=202 202w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0530.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0530.jpg 1125w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 689px) 100vw, 689px" /></figure>



  <figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img loading="lazy" width="1024" height="712" data-attachment-id="757" data-permalink="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/2020/11/03/tuesday-morning-toilet-talk-8/img_0525/" data-orig-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0525.jpg" data-orig-size="1125,783" data-comments-opened="1" data-image-meta="{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;orientation&quot;:&quot;1&quot;}" data-image-title="img_0525" data-image-description="" data-image-caption="" data-large-file="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0525.jpg?w=1024" src="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0525.jpg?w=1024" alt="" class="wp-image-757" srcset="https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0525.jpg?w=1024 1024w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0525.jpg?w=150 150w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0525.jpg?w=300 300w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0525.jpg?w=768 768w, https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0525.jpg 1125w" sizes="auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px" /></figure>

excerpt:
  <p>New England Patriots &#8211; an overrated football team owned by a sex deviant, coached by a fat, mumbling and bumbling douchebag whose historical success is predicated purely on the performance of a 45-year-old man who makes out with his children, and quarterbacked by an African American transgendered woman who speaks in hieroglyphics. Patriotism &#8211; the [&hellip;]</p>

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{"links": {"self": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/182399340/media/751", "help": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/182399340/media/751/help", "site": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/182399340", "parent": "https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1.1/sites/182399340/posts/755"}}}, "750": {"ID": 750, "URL": "https://gffl2020.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/img_0524.jpg", "guid": "https://gffl2020.files.wordpress.com/2020/11/img_0524.jpg", "date": "2020-11-03T10:13:59-05:00", "post_ID": 755, "author_ID": 193122455, "file": "img_0524.jpg", "mime_type": "image/jpeg", "extension": "jpg", "title": "img_0524", "caption": "U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) Secretary Sonny Perdue and Mrs, Mary Perdue meet with Longley Farm co-owner Kate Danner, her husband and co-owner Jason Danner, and her father John Longley, in Aledo, IL, on Aug. 6, 2017. His stop here is part of a five-state RV tour, featuring stops in five states: Wisconsin, Minnesota, Iowa, Illinois, and Indiana; titled the \u201cBack to Our Roots\u201d Tour, he is gathering input on the 2018 Farm Bill and increasing rural prosperity, Aug. 3-8, 2017. Along the way, Perdue will meet with farmers, ranchers, foresters, producers, students, governors, Members of Congress, U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) employees, and other stakeholders.  This is the first of two RV tours the secretary will undertake this summer. \u201cThe \u2018Back to our Roots\u2019 Farm Bill and rural prosperity RV listening tour will allow us to hear directly from people in agriculture across the country, as well as our consumers \u2013 they are the ones on the front lines of American agriculture and they know best what the current issues are,\u201d Perdue said.  \u201cUSDA will be intimately involved as Congress deliberates and formulates the 2018 Farm Bill.  We are committed to making the resources and the research available so that Congress can make good facts-based, data-driven decisions.  It\u2019s important to look at past practices to see what has worked and what has not worked, so that we create a farm bill for the future that will be embraced by American agriculture in 2018.\u201d   For social media purposes, Secretary Perdue\u2019s Twitter account (@SecretarySonny) will be using the hashtag #BackToOurRoots. 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His stop here is part of a five-state RV tour, featuring stops in five states: Wisconsin, Minnesota, Iowa, Illinois, and Indiana; titled the \u201cBack to Our Roots\u201d Tour, he is gathering input on the 2018 Farm Bill and increasing rural prosperity, Aug. 3-8, 2017. Along the way, Perdue will meet with farmers, ranchers, foresters, producers, students, governors, Members of Congress, U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) employees, and other stakeholders.  This is the first of two RV tours the secretary will undertake this summer. \u201cThe \u2018Back to our Roots\u2019 Farm Bill and rural prosperity RV listening tour will allow us to hear directly from people in agriculture across the country, as well as our consumers \u2013 they are the ones on the front lines of American agriculture and they know best what the current issues are,\u201d Perdue said.  \u201cUSDA will be intimately involved as Congress deliberates and formulates the 2018 Farm Bill.  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