Originally published by Kaunandodo

Some random thoughts that may or may not be related to fantasy football:

  • Eric Close’s highly anticipated Oakland Avenue fort remains under construction…sources say missing building permits are the cause for the years-long delay but Close himself has denied these reports. Close says the project is on target for a mid-2014 unveiling. My own sources suggest that Close is intentionally delaying the building of the fort to funnel taxpayer money toward his family’s illegal racketeering activities. You didn’t hear that from me…
  • Frosty the cat was released from Nathan Littauer’s Intensive Care Unit today after being forced into an ill-fitting sack and drunkenly swung around by one –Redacted–. Doctors say that Frosty has suffered no permanent damage but faces a long road to recovery. Not only will Frosty undergo two months of rehab on his personal cat playground in the corner of the Close’s living room, he will also see a psychiatrist twice a week to deal with “unspecified psychological trauma.” Please direct your thoughts and prayers to this brave feline…
  • Madden 25 was released today and reports indicate that A. E. Vose handily defeated Matt Close in the first two games of the season. No surprise there…
  • The posthumous release of legendary gay rights’ activist Joe Chittenden’s third and final autobiography is scheduled for September 9th. The book is reportedly titled Insert Here: My Secret Love Affair with Patrick “Patty” Kennedy. Stay tuned for my personal book review…
  • I’m hearing rumblings of an unspecified musical collaboration between Alex “Vissuvius” Vose and Brent “Big Baby” Savage. Updates to come…

Finally, for some actual fantasy football talk, here are my end-of-season projections for the GFFL’s award winners:

  • The Aaron Hernandez Award: Matt Close, Week 11

Chester’s already god-awful squad will be decimated by the Ram’s bye week and Close’s good-but-not-great squad will take advantage.

  • Mr. Irrelevant: Vinny Mosconi (Matt Prater)

Complete shot in the dark…

  • League MVP: Brent Savage (Lesean McCoy)

A great all-around back without the injury concerns of his peers, I expect McCoy to have a big year.

Sleepers:

-Jack Bananapeel (Ray Rice): Rice has a comfy playoff slate, but I doubt Bananapeel’s team is good enough to get there

-Alex Vose (Marshawn Lynch): Like the talent; don’t like the division schedule/minor durability concerns.

  • Defensive (luckiest) Player of the Year: Pat Kennedy

The trophy’s description states: :Awarded to…the luckiest piece of shit in the league.” Simply put, Kennedy fits 90% of the bill.

  • Offensive Player of the Year: Shaun Anich

I’m expecting better years from both CJ2K and Mike Wallace. Add that to Anich’s otherwise well-rounded roster and you have the potential for an offensive juggernaut.

  • The Mundane Randy: Pat Kennedy

He routinely shows up late for drafts, makes mind-boggling draft picks and is simply a lower-class human being than the rest of us. Sounds like a Mundane Randy to me. Give the man credit though; he can make a mean batch of boneless wings.

  • The Philadelphia Collins Memorial Trophy: Shaun Anich

(See above)

Sleepers:

-Alex Vose: He’s a winner, pure and simple

-Ian Gillis: Look for Matt Ryan/Roddy White to shine come playoff time.

Until next time, good night and good luck…