Ass-tastic! · GFFL

Originally published by Philadelphia Collins

Quick, what’s the first word that comes to your head when you think of fantasy football?

I’d be willing to bet that it isn’t “consistency.”

Fantasy Football is one of the most unpredictable sports on the face of the earth. In a world where un-drafted players carry their teams to championships, where star players can lose their entire season to injury at a moments notice, and where two weeks of lucky production can win the title, can you really count on anything?

I say yes.

Although I can’t predict who will win the league with any confidence whatsoever, I can say one thing for sure. In the GFFL, there is one thing that holds true year in and year out. One single factor that holds this league together and makes it what it is; the league’s backbone of sorts.

When you wake up on Monday and realize you lost by one point because of a scoring adjustment, don’t lose your mind. Shit like that happens, you couldn’t have seen it coming. It’s just a part of fantasy football. Just be thankful that in the GFFL, there is always one thing you can count on, something that actually does fit the definition of “consistency.”
In the GFFL, Mike La Porta is the ASSman.

Ever since this league’s inaugural season in 2008, Mike has donned ‘ASS’ in his team name. There’s no debating who the best team-namer in the GFFL is; Mike ended that debate on day one. Sure, we’ve had some gems over the years (Team lomanto, Giants D/ST, Goose Balls, Jack’s Gay), and we’ve had more than enough duds (steel curtain, the Tebow one, most of Jack’s names), but nobody has consistently put out great team names like Mike, period.

Today is the Christmas Morning of the Fantasy Football season, the day of the year that you stop wondering what team name Mike will gift all of us with. Today is the day that you begin to enjoy that gift.

Before we unveil Mike’s 2013 GFFL team name, let’s take a walk down memory lane. Here are Mike’s historic team names and logos from every season since 2008, when the GFFL and the fantasy baseball league were established (Mike’s creativity wasn’t just limited to fantasy football all of these years).

2008

Logos not available

Baseball: Mr. Ass

Football: Fly Like an Eagle Ass

2009