Originally published by Philadelphia Collins
The GFFL experts are back again to pick Week 3’s winners. Let’s take a look at the season standings (Last week’s record in parenthesis):
1) Longwei: 7-5 (4-2)
2) Shitty Bill: 5-7 (3-3)
2) Kaunandodo: 5-7 (3-3)
2) Philadelphia C.: 5-7 (2-4)
5) Dwight Schrute: 4-2 (4-2)
6) Mr.Dr.Pro.Master.Big Baby Bernt¹ 0-0 (0-0)
On to the picks:
The Dirty Burger (Matt) (1-1) @ Cowboys and Redmans (Joe) (2-0)
Philadelphia C.: Matt
Matt has averaged 100 points per contest so far, while Joe has only averaged 84. Matt wins this one, 100-84.
Shitty Bill: Joe
Matt’s opponents have averaged a tick over 90 points per contest so far, while Joe’s opponents have only averaged 75. Joe wins this one, 90-75.
Kaunandodo: Joe
This match-up all comes down to Bilal Powell. If he suits up, Joe wins it; if not he’s deader than the Saddam Hussein-era Iraqi men’s national team after a poor performance. If you ask me, Bilal’s a go and so is Joe.
Fu-Dai Dong Longwei: Joe
Marco’s team has averaged 100.5 ppc thus far. Thats pretty good.
Mr.Dr.Pro.Master.Big Baby Bernt¹ : Joe
Look at the facts. Joes undefeated and what do ya know , Matts injury prone team is injured. Look for Calvin Johnson to have a monster day and Matts team of geezers to check in to the retirement home soon.
Say No To Drug ..Tests (Pat) (0-2) @ Dirty Randys Bullcock (Jack) (0-2)
Philadelphia C.: Jack
In the battle for 0-3, I’m picking Jack to get the win, only because Pat starting 0-3 would make for a great story line on the blog.
Shitty Bill: Pat
I’ve picked Pat every week and an 0-2 start does not scare me away from picking him against the lowest scoring team in the league. I have concerns about losing Christine Michael, but the future is still limitless for this upstart.
Kaunandodo: Pat
I’m basing this one on the lack of grammar in Jack’s team name. Who does that Bullcock belong to? Surely someone ignorant enough to omit an apostrophe can’t beat the ever-popular Pat Kennedy in any sort of contest.
Fu-Dai Dong Longwei: Pat
Depending on who orders Digiorno and who orders the Joint will make all the difference in this one.
Mr.Dr.Pro.Master.Big Baby Bernt¹: Pat
I would absolutely love noting more than to pick Pat to go 0-3… but somehow Jack managed to draft a team that looks like it belongs to a 22 owner fantasy league, and I’m not sure if they even make those.
THAT’S THE CAT’S ASS (Mike) (1-1) @ Geno Smith the Miracle Maker (Ian) (1-1)
Philadelphia C.: Mike
Mike is going to win this week.
Shitty Bill: Ian
BOLD PREDICTION OF THE WEEK: Tom Brady’s pre-game ritual of eating 10 pot brownies goes awry when he realizes the brownies have been laced with PCP by a playful Edwin Encarnacion. Ian kick’s the ass of the ass as a result of the laced grass.
Kaunandodo: Ian
What Shitty said.
Fu-Dai Dong Longwei: Mike
I’ve gotta go with the ASS man here and no I’m not talking about Cosmo Kramer. Mike won’t be stopping short of 100 points on this weeks scoreboard.
Mr.Dr.Pro.Master.Big Baby Bernt¹: Mike
What Kaunandodo said, but due to personal experience I see PCP having very positive effects on Tom Brady. Mike in a blowout.
Turtle Creek Totemscrotums (Vose) (1-1) @ J-RoC ft. Slimm SHADYY! (Brent) (1-1)
Philadelphia C.: Vose
It’s gon’ rain.
Shitty Bill: Brent
Two tight ends in his week 2 starting lineup? Brent obviously has balls the likes of which we can’t even comprehend. Vose feels the sheer weight of those balls in this matchup (and probably later on in the BBH).
Kaunandodo: Vose
I’ll let the players do the talking.
Fu-Dai Dong Longwei: Brent
Its getting cold up in Dartmouth, Nova Scotia this time of year, the scrotum shrivels up in such a climate.
Mr.Dr.Pro.Master.Big Baby Bernt¹: Brent
This is Brents first home game where the 10th man really comes into play. Along with the #1 ranked RB and TE in the league, he can let Voses players do the talking.
The Choom Gang (Shaun) (1-1) @ Team lomanto (Chester) (1-1)
Philadelphia C.: Chester
Among the patriotic anthems sung during the American Revolutionary War, only Yankee Doodle was more popular than William Billings’s Chester. Billings wrote the first version of the song for his 1770 songbook The New England Psalm Singer, and made improvements for the version in his The Singing Master’s Assistant (1778). It is the latter version that is best known today. (Wikipedia)
Shitty Bill: Shaun
Betting against The Choom Gang would demonstrate that you have an IQ in the mid-60’s.
Kaunandodo: Shaun
I seriously doubt that a Columbian drug cartel is providing any sort of support for Chester’s team. That being said, I agree with Marco that a lack of quality running backs will be his undoing.
Fu-Dai Dong Longwei: Shaun
Poor running back play dooms the Coumbian backed squad.
Mr.Dr.Pro.Master.Big Baby Bernt¹: Chester
I said it once and ill say it again, Chester has the best team in the whole league. But this one may be tighter than the spread.
Krajcir-Watts Talent Agency (Marco) (2-0) @ Weeden start The fire (Vinny) (1-1)
Philadelphia C.: Vinny
There will be no more undefeated teams after this week.
Shitty Bill: Vinny
Reggie wants relish on his pancakes but how many times does Joique have to tell him not on game day? The ensuing scuffle leads to Marco crashing back to Earth this week.
Kaunandodo: Vinny
The Thursday game has already started and I gotta get this article posted before my editor rips my asshole open Cecil-Shorts style. For that reason, I’m blindly picking Vinny
Fu-Dai Dong Longwei: Marco
David Cone once said: “Today baseball is currently enjoying a run of more than 14 years without interruption, a record that would have been inconceivable in the 1990s.” Inconceivable for early teams run by Marco, 14 more wins without interruption are now graspable.
Mr.Dr.Pro.Master.Big Baby Bernt¹: Marco
Never bet against an undefeated team, the real #1 Power Ranked team is 2-0 for a reason.