Sup honkeys, welcome back to the DGB. Had to take a week off to recover from the beat down at the hands of TE University. Fuck Josh Jacobs.
For the first faceoff we have Sloppy Joe La Porta going up against registered molester Mike “Chester” Lomanto. When asked for a comment on the matchup, Joe said a bunch of nonsense about it being a tough matchup and other boring coach speak. Probably due to his head scratching trade he made earlier this week, Joe is a 5 point underdog against the ginger assassin. Chester has ridden the Rams offense and Cam “Scam” Newton to a strong 2-0 start, but the Rams finally have a respectable defense to face this week so it may be the end of both his and the Rams undefeated streak. It is well known among the league that as the Eagles go, Pk’s team goes, but also as the Rams go, so does Copperpots team.
Let’s all hope Chestdaddy is still dancing come Tuesday morning.
Second showdown of the week is a clash of freedom against fascism. Scones is a 2 point underdog against the USSS (Union of Stupid’s Soviet States). The good guys are without first round pick Mikey Muffins, and of course the bad guys are pulling guys back out of the gulag to reinforce their secret police with Kenny “gotta start” Golladay on track to make his debut. Also, due to a rash of injuries, SFP is starting SF RB Jerick ” Circle Jerk” “Cum Shot” McKinnon going up against the laughingstock that is the NY football Giants defense. “I am pretty afraid of his tight end and I don’t mean the position in football.” – Matt “SFP” Close
Quick question for you. What is the difference between a young Stalin and our commissioner in the picture above? Let me save you some time: Normal eyebrows, and the ability to grow facial hair. That is the entire list.
Third throwdown of the week is the Dirtnap Dogger against a man known to sleep in the dirt with dogs (or the trash based on his interview with Harry earlier this week): Eric “Pookie” Lucas. Nate Dogg is a 5 point favorite in the showdown that will finally get one of these teams into the win column. Nate was somewhat unlucky in his week 1 loss, and got stumped last week despite dropping a 140 burger.
Pookie is lucky to even still be in the league, and scouts are currently scouring the Poyfair League for his replacement. Sources say, “Give us some time, these Poyfairs are like nothing we have seen before in 45 years of doing this.” When asked for comment, Nathan said “I’m gonna make that hippie haired fuck face wish he never took Jon Taylor in round 1.” Eric in response said, “That dirty little gringo oh my god I am at a loss for words he called me a hippie. Fucking Nate can take the nastiest fromunda cheese from fucking Nakesha Coco’s pussy lips and modown like its a fucking pancake from Waffle House.”
Fourth feud this week is Mr. Mike “Ass” La Porta and Marcus “Schwed” “Bigface” DeLilli – Another case of “winner will finally get in the win column.” Both are more than deserving of their winless records, and if Pookie didn’t look like a descendant of the Poyfairs, one of these two would probably be the front runner for getting a boot right square in the brown eye back to the Bleeker.
Both of these league legends will be in contention for the Mundane Randy when the time comes. Randy Tag chimed in regarding this matchup: “I can already taste the bucket of chicken that cum guzzler Marco is going to have to buy.”
In the fifth fray we have Pat “Vitamin A Deficiency” Kennedy head to head with Shaun “Tractor” Anich. Suprisingly, Rock is only a 3 point favorite. Pat had an unfortunate accident last week after the Eagles lost to the Rams and didn’t know what time it happened due to a missing clock. He also lost Saquon to a torn ACL and handled it about as well as you would expect from a rational person like Mr. Kennedy. After giving Jaedee her birthday tittie fucking, he went across the street and attempted to mend fences with all of the Voses. Papa was the only one willing to give him the time of day but that was because he heard about the clock thing. Mr. Kennedy also had some issues with a waiver claim earlier this week but after Mr. Stalin threw down the hammer PK jumped back in line.
Rock will be without Greg Kittle, but he will have the power of Twitter. Being banned from Twitter within the last 6 months is just a minor detail that won’t hold ol’ HC Johnson down.
Well known friend of David “Boomer” Wells when asked for a comment Boomer shuttered “That fucking guy won’t leave me alone on Twitter ya homeschooled fuck. How would I know anything about your stupid fantasy football league.”
In the seventh and final fracas we have Jack “The Gay Red Dragon” Vandenabeele pitted against the man with the smallest nuts in the league Randy small balls Tagliatela, who comes in as a 1 point favorite. Fucknuts Tagliatela is without DJ Chark Jr, but was reinforced this week by known woman beater Tyreek Hill. He also has a plethora of subpar tight ends, and one guy is even working on a bakers dozen of concussions. Jack must have had his head up his ass Thursday morning when he started Gardner Minshew in place of any functioning human being. Randy’s comment regarding this weeks matchup “Get ready to run into THE STUMP.”
Let me give you one last video of our current league leader.
Good luck everyone except tiny testies Tagliatela.
J.J.C