Week 2 in the GFFL has come and gone and I’m currently getting a hummer from a transgendered, quadriplegic, homeless man. No time for intros. Let’s dive right in.
MERGER/RELEGATION
It happened to the AFL and the NFL.
It happened to the ABA and the NBA.
It happened to the AL and the NL.
With the GFFL holding rank as the Premier Fantasy Football League in Fulton County, NY for over 13 years, it was only a matter of time before a rival league sprang up and forced talks of a merger.
The Gloversville Poyfair League (GPL), operating out of Dubois Garden Apartments, has been operational for just 2 seasons. Initially thought of as a non-competitor, things turned serious in late August when GFFL founding member Jack Vandenabeele threatened to bolt for an opening in the Poyfair League. Better competition, better friends, and a more lively draft experience were among the reasons given to league Commissioner Close.
GPL Standings (as of 9/22/20)
1. Samantha Benton 2-0
2. Josh Young 2-0
3. Shane Calhoun 2-0
4. Ricky Morgan 2-0
5. Joe Poyfair 1-1
6. Matt Poyfair 1-1
7. Barkim Ashe 1-1
8. Brent Savage 1-1
9. Josh Krajcir 0-2
10. Bill Close 0-2
11. Tammy McCue 0-2
12. James Baker, Will Baker (co-owned) 0-2
Six hours and several gaped holes later, The Commish convinced Jack to return to his home league, but the incident did not go unnoticed.
While a merger may still be far off, a system of promotion and relegation does seem imminent given the strength of the GPL and a slew of mismanaged, hopeless teams at the bottom of the GFFL.
Finally, an opportunity to replace Marco, Pookie, and Nate with Ricky Morgan, Shane Calhoun, and Josh Young. Or better yet, imagine a GFFL without the LaPorta’s and Vinny but with the Poyfair’s and Tammy McCue.
Sounds stranger than fiction, but closer to a reality that most realize. More on this one as both league seasons develop.
JAEDEE LAVADA TITTY FUCK OF THE WEEK
This weeks JLTF for narrowest margin of victory goes to the human embodiment of marijuana and dick jokes, Rock Anich.
This nail biter vs. the human embodiment of cigarettes, head lice, and dirtstache pussy residue came down to the last half.
Everyone wants to beat the fuck out of Eric in fantasy football. He smells like cigs, he never washes his dashikis, he complains too much, he does too many drugs for his own good, nobody likes Phish, he drinks and drives, he abuses women, he abuses children and animals, and he fucks his own grandmother. If Marco wasn’t in the league, Pookie would clearly be our shittiest member.
Akin to PK when JaeDee is on her period, we’d all like to fuck the shit out of a huge pussy on occasion. But sometimes you have to settle for a titty fuck. It’s not sex, but it can be just as good in the right circumstance.
Rock moves to 2-0 and finishes on Pookie’s chin with the 119-110 victory.
OJ SIMPSON DUMB CUCK OF THE WEEK
At the risk of piling on, it’s Marco. It was always going to be Marco. He’s 0-2 with the lowest points total for the 13th straight season; a remarkable run of ineptitude.
Some say his slow start to the 2020 season stems from using an avatar of a Native American while not having the heart to roster even a single player from the Washington Football Team.
If Marco can remedy this by next week, you might be looking at your Week 3 Minority of the Week.
RAMS 37, EAGLES 19
Did PK ever find his clock? Did he actually phone Vose and the LA Rams for information? Did Papa Vose steal the clock because he was high on meth?
Round 1 goes to Chester’s Rams on the field, but Round 2 will be settled on the mean streets of the GFFL when Pat and Chester face off in Week 9.
THIS WEEK IN NFL HISTORY
In Week 2 of the 2006 season, OT Bob Whitfield led the way for the Giants in a 30-24 overtime victory against the rival Eagles. Clearing the way for his young QB, Whitfield allowed Eli Manning to pass for 371 yards and 3 TD’s in the overtime thriller.
2006 would prove to be Whitfield’s final season in the NFL. It was marred by multiple incidents of head butting opponents during key drives in a move that garnered him the nickname “Head-butt Bob” by teammates and the media.
Whitfield was most recently spotted on Real Housewives of Atlanta where his ex-wife Sheree alleged Bob was abusive during their marriage.
Alright folks, that’s it for me. Back next week with a special video segment: Trippin’ with Randy where we will pump Randy full of barbiturates and LSD, light him on fire, and make him pick games against the spread. Also, a Where Are They Now? looking at some former GFFL members. Until then.
