Originally published by Mr.Dr.Pro.Master.Big Baby Bernt da1st

Throughout the year, the most superior GFFL analyst, Mr.Dr.Pro.Master.Big Baby Bernt¹ will break down the top 3 teams as Contenders or Pussy ASS Pretenders and get liquored up with one Wild Card Contender team.

1) Chester (1-0)

Easily the best team in the whole league. Not only does he have the second best Manning brother putting up 46 points, he has basically the best WR and TE in the whole league in Tavon Austin and Jared Cook. The only thing that may hurt this team is the potentially damaging decision to drop arguably best QB in the league, Sam Bradford. Look for this fantasy genius to be #1 the whole year.

Contender Or Pussy ASS Pretender?: SUPER Contender.

2) Mike (1-0)

No stinky ASS here, as the 1st over all pick in the draft Adrian Peterson could alone run this cats ASS straight into the playoffs. There’s also an all around solid WR core, and without a question the sexiest QB in the league. Not only do I get hard thinking about Tom Brady when I look at Mikes team, I get a soft-core pornographic picture to finish me off.

Contenders Or Pussy ASS Pretender?: Contender.

3) Matt (1-0)

I’m still sitting here trying to contemplate how the fuck this team was ranked 3rd. Not only did Marco score more points, but if Shaun played any other WR besides Mike Wallace he would have scored more points as well. Whoever ranked this team 3rd must have been either REALLY STUPID, as drunk as EN, or as high as Brent. Not only do I expect to see a P, D, O, and IR next to Jamaal Charles’ name all year, but also Steven Jackson will soon just fall over and die. The one and only burning question about this team:  What’s worse, the Commissioner or the team? I’ll leave you to decide. 

Contenders Or Pussy ASS Pretender?: STUPID Pussy ASS PRETENDER.

Wild Card Contender: PK (0-1)

Two words.. Mike Vick. He’s finally done killing our dogs and now killing our fantasy teams. With easily the best ex-convict running and gunning  yards in the NFL (the longest yard that is),  Pk should have no problem finding himself in the top 3 soon. He’s the second strongest team at WR, and I’ve heard possible trade talks involving one or two of his 7 receivers. The only thing really holding this team back from an undefeated rest of the season is none other than Eagle Great, Shady LeSean McCoy…well, too bad. Maybe next year.