Senior GFFL analyst Shitty Bill takes a look at some meaningful numbers in this week’s column.
(This week we will look at five numbers that impact the top 5 teams in the standings to this point in the season)
1 – The number of 2-0 starts Marco has gotten off to, including this season, in his GFFL career.
Beyond the Number:
Marco’s a loser. His regular season struggles are well documented, as he boasts the largest losing percentage in GFFL history. Could 2013 be the year it all changes? Marco is off to his best start ever after feasting on ASS in week 2. I caution you, however, as the last GFFL member to feast on ass, Eric “steel curtain” Lucas, contracted hepatitis C and tragically passed away due to anilingual-related liver complications.
84 – The average number of points put up by Cowboys and Redmans (2-0) in weeks 1 and 2.
Beyond the Number:
This statistic proves that the Indianapolis Colts aren’t the only ones with luck on their side. Joe’s 84-point average is 2nd worst in the GFFL. 7/11 teams would have beaten Joe in week 1, while a remarkable 10/11 teams would have beaten him in week 2. Factor in that Joe is up against a league-low 75 points per week, and we can expect Joe to fade faster than Anne Frank’s hope when she was transferred to Bergen-Belsen.
248 – The number of points “The Choom Gang” has put up through 2 weeks, the highest in the GFFL.
Beyond the Number:
It’s no surprise that Shaun and The Choom Gang are the highest scoring team in the league. His three starting wide receivers averaged 22 points apiece last week, something that will have to continue in week 3 if he plans on edging Team lomanto, a team funded by a ruthless Columbian crime syndicate. The secret to this veteran’s success? 6 hits of jenkem before each draft and a hummer from Wal-Mart’s Darlene while setting his roster each week.
24 – Difference in fantasy points from week 1 to week 2 for Team lomanto’s A.J. Green.
Beyond the Number:
Could it be that Adriel Jeremiah was simply intimidated by the 30-foot ball sack-shaped totem poles placed strategically at various points in the middle of Vose’s home field? Shitty Bill say nay. Green will periodically have these types of games solely due to the color of the hair of the person throwing him the ball.
4 – The total number of points scored by the Pittsburgh Steelers D/ST so far this season.
Beyond the Number:
Mike should feel good about his current 5th place spot in the standings, but he certainly shouldn’t be thanking the aforementioned steel curtain. This defense ranks 32/32 in fantasy points this season. Mike has been all about defense ever since he got the shit kicked out of him for sporting a pink fanny pack on his first day at Compton High School in September, 1969. 44 years and 8 racially motivated homicides later, the Anal Ambassador needs to focus less on quarterly reports at the water department and more on fortifying a D/ST in decline.
Originally posted by Shitty Bill