Originally published by Shitty Bill
A gruesome story out of Galway, New York this afternoon, as well-respected area outdoorsman and high school chemistry teacher Jeff Gardiner was arrested and charged with first degree murder.
Kate Brown, a colleague of Gardiner, was found slain in a room described as her “man cave” on the second floor of her Galway home after not showing up to Gloversville High School where she works alongside Gardiner in the science department.
The Galway Village Police Department held a press conference at 11:00 this morning claiming the murder may have been fantasy football-related.
“Mr. Gardiner was overheard screaming at Mrs. Brown by neighbors early this morning 15 minutes before the two disappeared into the home,” said police Captain Leonard Martin Sr. “He was extremely upset about a trade with Mrs. Brown involving Fred Jackson.”
From what police could gather in the earliest stages of investigation, Gardiner felt as if Brown had duped him in a trade that sent Bills running back Fred Jackson to Brown and Texans wide receiver Keshawn Martin to Gardiner. Gardiner was heard explaining that the trade should be nullified, as he had accidentally confused Keshawn Martin with Keyshawn Johnson.
Brown’s throat was slashed with a broken graduated cylinder. Sexual frustration is also believed to be a contributing factor in the murder, as Brown was covered head to toe in molasses and coated in semen.
“Oh, they was fu**ing,” said Gloversville High School principal Dr. Richard DeMallie. “I caught them once in my office, mmm. It was so neat.”
Gardiner was apprehended at Gloversville High School after being tased by a rookie police officer by accident.
“He was going peacefully,” said officer Richard Morgan. “That one was my bad.”
Brown’s loved ones are asking for any and all donations to be made to the Barbara Susi Breast Augmentation Fund, a foundation of which Brown served as chairman.